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Saturday, March 30, 2013

Moving on

Today was hard work, moving always is. But helping my ex-partner all day to move out - well, I should have wracked up some excellent karma points by doing so is all I can say. He did thank me at the end of the day, which was nice. But I could have done without seeing the FB post that leads me to think he has plans with another woman tomorrow. Two beers down and I can't seem to shake this feeling of ... not anger, disappointment I guess. She looks like everything I once wanted to be, or thought I was, but more so. Pretty, curvy, sexy & confident; just his type. I wish this didn't hurt. "She loved him enough to know he was better off without her."  I think it's Dickens you can thank for the quote.

And here I am without even the comfort of a couch and a movie. I can't get the tv to work in the living room, and I don't want to be in the master where the tv works - too much dust and too many memories.

I've been doing so well, and I am hoping I have enough energy left in this day to make myself believe I am still okay. That I can create each minute, that it doesn't matter what happens it only matters how I react to it. The last 20 minutes haven't been so great, and I don't want the rest of my evening to be the same so I will turn it around. I will decide that this too is going according to plan, that letting him go gives him the chance to be happy; that truly this has been my intention all along, and I will not begrudge him his fun. And I know in my heart that I will be happy again too. It has been a long time, but I know it is coming. Did he really have to use a smiley face....let it go, let it go, let it go....

I think I just need a good nights sleep. And a cuddle with my little dog. And in the morning I will see the family on their way to an Easter Egg Hunt. And maybe, just maybe, I will get organized enough to roast a ham and make some coleslaw and see them again for dinner.

I would so like for this hard part to be over.

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