Down another 1.2 pounds. Given the week I had I'll take it. Short on raw veggies, heavy on fatty proteins, and I still lost weight; heck yea I'll take it! I may not feel very proud of this week, but I am elated that I was able to respect my bright lines against sugar and flour despite the emotions and pain and frustrations. All triggers for me to eat. But to be honest everything is a trigger, or at least that has been my belief. What if all along it wasn't me, but my addiction, that was responding? That is my hope and has been since first listening to Bright Line Eating. That I am not a manic depressive, that I am not just weak willed, and that there is more to me than my obsession with food. Addiction would explain it all. And I begin to wonder who I am without it.
Finding out will be a journey, I am sure. And after three weeks I can already see that this is not nearly as restrictive as it first seemed. Just yesterday I was hunting through the pantry for C's paw patrol mac n cheese we had picked up to try (don't, I wouldn't even classify it as food) when I came across a bag of barley and the side had a recipe for pudding. Barley pudding! Who knew. And I expect that more and more discoveries of this type will fill the years. It all feels so possible, and positive, that even sleep deprived after the sleepover I am filled with optimism.
It reminds me of when I began eating for nutrition and ate vegetarian for three years. "What will you eat?" I remember being asked. "Everything else!" was the answer. There are so many choices that don't include sugar and flour, and the triangle of bright lines I have drawn hold sugar, flour, and snacking inside the triangle - everything else is open to exploration.
Back later to review the day, I just needed to get that out.
It turned out to be a quiet day; I lounged and did Sudoku and watched Star Trek. I made it to the grocery store and made meatloaf, mashed potatoes and peas for dinner. Because of the nature of the meal I weighed everything. Oh, and an apple, which I didn't weigh. The meatloaf was full of onions and spinach, with rolled oats and eggs to bind and a no sugar added ketchup on the top. I'll weigh out a couple of portions for left overs later in the week of the meatloaf and add it to better veggies and a salad for dinners.
Lunch was bean soup and corn on the cob, and breakfast was hash browns, sausage and papaya. I was a little tired and grumpy after a sleep broken night. I really don't know how my daughter is functioning on a daily basis, she's woken up so many times in any given night by C.
I'm prepping grains tonight - the kitchen was too hectic to cook this morning - and I am planning on better choices more often this coming week. I'll hit Sprouts tomorrow at lunch to stock up on salad fixings and fruit at work. On Friday a couple of team-mates at work ended up taking home some Bright Line Eating ideas, and I am hoping to see less snacks at work. That would be nice.
I think I ended up grumpy this afternoon because of how sore I am, mostly hips and legs, and every time I accomplished something I just wanted to go lay down and rest afterwards. And I did. I think because I am doing this 'healthy' thing to make things better that they should be better like magic now. That whole human instant gratification thing I guess. It will have to be enough to know I am on the right track, and will feel the difference soon. Six pounds in three weeks may not seem like a lot to some, but to me it's amazing. I can't wait to see how next week goes and I am anxious to start feeling stronger. To have more energy. To be more active.
It will happen.
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