This morning was the first time waking up this Autumn, cozy in the warmth of flannel sheets, that I wanted to indulge in the the luxurious feeling of snuggling back into a warm nest instead of rising. The sheer joy of the moment.almost prevailed. Instead my brain gradually began obsessing over the scale and what I would see after my week of bright lines. Of course the siren's call of the scale won.
A bit about scales. I don't like them. I stopped weighing myself about three years ago - the same time I stopped dieting. I was done. Yet somehow the scale has been sitting like an artifact in a museum, taking up real estate in my bathroom, never used and always in need of a good dusting.
This morning is was my friend for a change. And I'm down just a tinch over three pounds. I can't remember that ever happening before, I had made the mistake of weighing in yesterday 'just to see' and the chatter it ignited in my brain was unwelcome. Now part of me wants to put it away for a month, and the argument is that this was a fluke and I need to weigh again next Sunday to make sure this is really happening. Then I can put the scale away for a month. But I have a feeling that the obsessive tendencies of my brain will keep me on the scale for a while to come. What a ridiculous thing to keep thinking about; shutting it down NOW.
The week in review. I think I can't call this Bright Line Eating yet. After listening to the book again I realize just how far off center I am from the program. I went into this knowing I was shooting for maintenance, that I knew myself well enough to avoid the heartache of jumping in full throttle just to be disappointed and end up a depressed blob at the bottom of a pity pool. And I had so much experience on eating for nutrition, that this past week was really just about the bright lines I drew between myself, flour, sugar, and snacking. There is so much more to her plan that I am not doing.
That being said, what I did worked, and I will keep on this path as long as it keeps working. If I get to a point where I'm no longer losing, then I will look more seriously at the details. The one bright line I did not draw was for weighing and measuring. While I am weighing grains, starches, and protein to make sure I am getting enough and not too much, I am counting on my experience for the veggies. I know what a salad should look like and have been making them in the same wooden bowls for years. Lord knows I've weighed enough salads in them. And I'm not measuring my salad dressing, or the oil I use to cook; these are things I can do later if needed or desired. I'm also not sitting at the table to eat, unwilling to give up my dinner date with Star Trek most evenings.
I wasn't interested in being told what to eat, I was interested in healing my brain. I'm invested in getting rid of this addiction and alleviating my depression. And yes, I want my inner athlete back. I want the whole kit and caboodle of Happy, This and Free. So at some point I may be interested in being told what to eat, but for now I will continue what worked last week. Eat for nutrition, bright lines against flour, sugar and snacking, and using my journal for food planning and gratitude.
Go Me..
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