Seven Bright nights in a row before I broke a line. It started yesterday with a hot-flash, followed by what felt like a sugar crash all mixed up with an anxiety attack. It was just before lunch and so I made my meal, gobbled it down like the crazy person I felt to be, thinking all the while that this wasn't going to do it. A hand full of yogurt covered raisins rescued from their neglect in a snack cup on the dining room table were next to go in my mouth, and then it was pepperoni slices, string cheese, and finally triscuits with butter on them. This desperate consumption of anything I could easily get my hands on is not unfamiliar to me, it just hasn't happened in a long while and caught me by surprise.
I didn't pause to think, "I'm not going to die, this feeling will pass!" Instead I let panic take me down the rabbit hole, not breaking, but bursting through my bright line fir quantities. But then the feeling began to pass. That sounds rather mild, instead it was more like the tsunami of nerves that had been flooding me with the desperate need to inhale calories began to quiet and I was able to take a breath and sit down. It wasn't quite over, and jumping up I aimed for the kitchen and did have a few bites of cake, breaking the next two lines for sugar & flour. Finally the need was satiated and I began to feel 'normal'.
What a disaster it was, any semblance of thought or self control totally obliterated by the monster that held me in it's grip. By five it was time to go to work and I felt fully recovered. I made a hot cuppa tea, and spent the next few hours crunching numbers. Not really crunching, because I am doing financial reviews for year end reports, so more like slogging through a tedious task that leaves you exhausted. Sort of like riding shot gun on a long road trip with nothing but wasted fields for a view.
Today is good so far, and I am hoping it is the first Bright day and night in another string of seven. That would make me happy, but at the same time I am left wondering what the fuck happened yesterday. My food has been so good all week, and so I am left to look at other factors. Maybe a change in my thyroid medicine. Maybe the hemp oil I have been taking in my tea at night, or....the newest change, using a CBD cream on my hip and shoulder to see if it will help the inflammation that I suspect is the root cause of the pain in those joints. I am not going to change anything right now, but if I have another 'episode' then I will eliminate either the oil or cream and go from there.
I wish the medical community would get with the program and figure the whole CBD thing out so we aren't left having to rely so much on trial and error. Guinea pigs are wonderful to look at, but to be one? Not so much.
Today I am cooking. I did the first quick cook on a batch of black-eyed peas, and braised some pork steaks. Once the broth from the pork cools a bit, I'll use it to cover the beans so they can soak overnight. Tomorrow I'll finish cooking both along with a batch of veggies that includes lots of spinach and zucchini, then weigh out meals, splitting the protein between the pork and beans and adding in the veggies; it always feels good to have pre-weighed meals in the fridge.
Then for dinner, I'm cooking a pot roast with lots of brussels sprouts and carrots so there are left overs. While the goal is to move away from eating animal protein, there is nothing like vegetables that have been roasted with some meat. My Bad.
I am thankful today for our warmth, light, and water, and hoping the powers that be can correct the devastation that so many are suffering through in Texas and other places around the world. So many smart people, such a huge labour force, and we can't even get the infrastructure right. Why on earth at this point in our evolution are there still so many without their basic needs being met. As a species, we are not getting very good grades if anyone is paying attention.
Enough cynicism, time to go prep for dinner and let Cal get some rest from my typing.
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