BLE: Small Victories

 Driving into the office tonight I was enjoying the quiet and ready for a productive evening at work.  On the way to  my desk I passed the set of lateral filing cabinets that serve as a central work space for our printer and supplies. And coffee cake. WHAT?  I was irritated but not tempted, and immediately moved the tray to an empty cubicle where I wouldn't have to think about it again. And I didn't until now, safe at home and miles away from the sugary, floury, treat. I love that my brain is in a place that it is not tempted, and automatically says no to any rising thoughts of insurrection (omg, I am watching too much CNN.)

I have two Bright nights under my belt, so to say since I can't remember the last time I actually wore a belt, and looking forward to another. Last night could have been challenging as I was in charge of Cal; guiding him to the bathroom, feeding him a snack at about 1am, and cuddling with him until after 3 before tucking him back into his own wee bed. The parents just needed to sleep, and I had volunteered for night duty. As I will again tonight. That little boy needs to be in his own bed, but he longs for comfort in the middle of the night, and not knowing exactly how he is feeling we can't turn him away. I am hoping that without access to 'the big bed' in his parents room he will soon stop waking up so much,  but it's a small hope . Anyway, I was never tempted. My rebel never showed up. 

As I have done the past two days, I added an extra fat (avocado) to my dinner, and I will add hemp oil to my night time tea. I think my hands were less swollen this morning, but who knows why. That's the problem of feeling motivated and piling on a few ideas that you think might help; you don't really know what, if anything, is making a difference.

There are fig bars and chocolate covered banana chips in the pantry tonight (they are to tempt Cal) and I pray they don't call me. While I feel good now, who knows what part might show up in the middle of the night to run rampant over this calm cool collected version of myself.

I will meditate once in bed, just to nourish my will power in case I have need of it in the wee hours, and write in my gratitude journal for the same reason. And I'm here journaling, making up the final part of my trifecta of planning ahead so I am prepared for battle. Just in case. Maybe this is my new night time habit stack? We'll see.

Not having had a single bite of anything at work when I was alone and it would have been so easy, feels like success, and it's a good way to feel heading into the night, celebrating a small victory.  I can hear a small voice in my head, 'you've got this', and I am actually smiling as I sign off.