BLE: To weigh or not to weigh, that is the question

 Today's Food:

(b)  potato, eggs over easy (no fruit, had a banana about 3am)

(l)  stewed meat, spinach & tomatoes, apple & red grapes

(d) Pozole (meat & hominy weighed out), cabbage, lettuce & radish salad with cilantro crema

Another Bright day. I haven't been tracking so I don't know how many it's been in a row. Only today counts, so that's okay. I thought of 'wants' on and off today. Wanting to be stronger while carrying in the bags of garden mix, wanting to be out of pain while cuddling with Cal, wanting to have overall strength and stamina because I couldn't finish the garden project we started.

It's like 50 First Dates, and everyday I need to convince myself all over again that I want to lose weight because what follows will be so awesome. Strength, endurance, mobility. I want these things. Of course the night time me wants other things more, food to be more precise, and that is the nightly battle. I know in my heart of hearts that if I can just get through a week or ten days of Bright nights that the intensity of these fights will lessen, and that I will have a chance of getting all of the things I want.

Unfortunately knowing and doing don't go hand in hand. Can you imagine the world if they did? The amazing things we could accomplish?

Tomorrow's Food:

(b)  oatmeal, peanut butter, blueberries

(l)  chopped salad, oil & vinegar dressing, banana

(d)  bean & veggie stoup

I am hoping to make soup tomorrow, there is a head of celery and lots of carrots to be used up, and a bag of spinach and white beans too. The plan is to make a thick veggie soup then weigh in the beans to be sure it's a Bright meal. Cal is doing so much better, and I am hoping he naps tomorrow, or at least is willing to play quietly for a bit so I can accomplish my food prep. These past couple of weeks I haven't been able to do my 'food factory' as much as I usually do, and I'm looking forward to having some meals packed up in advance. If I can't, well, it is what it is. I can throw together a Bright meal pretty quickly under most circumstances so I'm not really worried about it.

Tomorrow is March 1st, and the plan was to weigh myself, so I brought the scale in from the garage earlier. The batteries are shot, and I'm debating not weighing after all. The idea of knowing I didn't lose anything this month is hard to face. But what if I did? What if the small changes I have noticed do equate to a loss? How will it affect me? Will it motivate me to keep doing as well as I can? Will it let me know I can eat at night and still lose weight so don't worry about it? And will that prompt more night eating? And so the chatter goes, which is the best argument for NOT weighing tomorrow. If I never know, my brain can't play games. I would have to gauge  my weight solely on how my clothes fit, and how I feel and move, and maybe how much pain I am experiencing or lack thereof.

I am not sure I trust that, I am not sure my curiosity won't win out on the morrow. Because I have been trying, and would like to see a smaller number despite how I try to convince myself it's just not the thing to be concerned about. Maybe this once, and then the scale goes back in the garage for March, April and May. Maybe I could do that.