Venturing forth on a crisp but sunny day with the intention of bringing home tomato sprouts, I was disappointed to find that it was too early. Apparently the seedlings are still being grown in cozy green houses, and not yet ready for purchase and planting. Noticing that the Walmart parking lot was sparsely filled, I popped in for a pair of pants for myself and pepperoni for Cal.
Arriving home, and putting away my goods, I was dismayed to realize that there was a part of me that was very angry that I hadn't taken the opportunity to grab a treat. I had glimpsed myself in a mirror while choosing some jeggings, and was a little shocked and disappointed. Who was this old, frumpy, overweight woman staring back at me? This is not the first time this has happened, and I suspect it won't be the last, but there was no way I was going to buy anything to break my Bright Lines this day. At the time it was just a feeling of ... well, what I had to do. If that image was going to change, then i needed to stay Bright. But now, at home and a little hungry, a part of me is actually mad that I hadn't eaten anything. Hadn't indulged in a treat either from the store or driving through somewhere. Why so much anger?
So another part to explore, probably a rebel who is not interested in how I want to feel in my body, but instead wanting me to indulge to satisfy their agenda. This whole wanting one thing and feeling another is probably going to make me crazy for awhile until I am Bright again for another string of days. It's the whole split brain\ IFS\how can you want two opposing things at the same time question that keeps cropping up in my life.
Today I won a battle I didn't realize I was fighting, and if not for that mirror I might have lost, because really, what would one more day of not being Bright matter in the scheme of things. But it does matter, because it's not just today, it's now. And there is only now. Now is how we live our lives, and what we do every day matters because for that moment, it's the only now there is. And the only thing that matters.
Really learning what one day at a time means, and really believing it, will hopefully make a difference in my life. In the meantime I am hungry, and need to go prep for dinner so that when meal time arrives it is ready for me. I have a feeling the next few days might be a struggle, so thank heavens I only have to get through them one at a time.
https://brightlineeating.com/2019/10/one-day-at-a-time/
But speaking of that, I do want to write down so I remember something G shared in group this morning. Our body really takes notice around day three that something is up; we're detoxing and not getting quite enough calories, and a little rebellion takes place. This is when the urge to eat more than we need can be strong. Then again around day ten the same thing happens and all of a sudden we're in survival mode. The idea is that if I am aware that there may be a couple of hard days coming up, maybe I will be able to get through them. It felt good to have seven Bright Days and Nights under my belt, and I want to feel that again and then I want to feel what may be beyond that. I want to know how I will feel at ten days, and 30, and yes, even at 100 days.
So while it feels like day one all over again, that's okay. Each time I am here I know more, understand more and become more willing to continue. So it's all good, and I want to remind myself what success looks like, and take stock of where I am.
Words of Wisdom from Susan P Thompson on how to be successful on BLE.
1. Identity; deep change comes from being a different kind of person, and doing different things.
This is slowly happening, and more and more I see myself as someone who doesn't eat S&F.
2. Commitment to an effective process (BLE); be someone who just follows the effin plan.
This still needs to happen, there is an ongoing battle with my Rebel to really commit.
3. Showing up real; don't hide from 'messy' lessons that show up allowing huge shifts to happen.
This is happening more and more every day as I work with my parts and learn from my MMG.
"In Bright Line Eating we are not called to be perfect, we are called to be unstoppable."
Thank heavens for the support I've found, and the weekly vlogs from Susan.
I can do this, just for today.
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