Down almost four pounds this morning, which was nice to see. Especially after last night's cheat. When am I going to learn to put me first? It is not in my nature to do so, and if we all did that all the time we would be in an even worse mess than we are now. But on a personal level, I need to somehow embrace the notion that my needs are as important as anyone else s in the home.
I know, what am I blathering about. Some background. Most of the time one of these three scenarios plays out at the end of each work day.
1. On my way home from work I pick up A from daycare if it's raining, freezing or burning hot.
2. Her father walks over (just around the corner)(Ha!)(nod to Ryan & Hanks) and picks her up.
3. Her mother picks her up an hour later on her way home from work and
a. brings her home
b. takes her to run an errand before heading home
c. has her father in tow, they grab some dinner & maybe run an errand before heading home
What does this mean for me and what I had for dinner? Well, let me elucidate. I arrived home at 4:30 and rushed about straightening up because a friend was stopping by on her way home from work to visit. We had hot gingerbread spice tea and each did a quick recap of our lives since it had been over a year since our last visit. She left about 5:30 at which point I decided to wait to do my juicing so I wouldn't be in the kitchen when the kids (yes they are in their 30's) arrived home to make dinner. But unbeknownst to me scenario b. from above was being enacted and when they did arrive home it was to put a pizza in the oven. So now I am hungry and smelling pepperoni pizza. If I had just started juicing when my friend left I would have had my juice and could have done the clean up later. But no, I had waited and there I was. At that point I was not interested in juicing, but neither did I want frozen pizza. So I popped a potato in the microwave and after a sprinkling of salt and a grind of fresh pepper I drizzled a little organic ketchup (more salt & sugar to boot) over the fluffy steaming cubes of hot potato and headed to my room and away from the pizza that was about to come out of the oven.
I haven't gotten to the bad part yet.
Hours later I am watching TV in my room and my stomach grumbles. And I am thinking about the pepperoni. Luckily for me it was all gone, but not so lucky for me a fresh loaf of soft white bread (organic, not wonder) sitting on the counter and my brain immediately flashed on the salami I knew was in the fridge. So there I was at about 10:30pm making a salami sandwich. Only 4 slices of salami, and 2 slices of the thin sliced cheddar from Sargento and a light smear of mayo - but it felt like blasphemy! And tasted like heaven.
Here is the worst of it. I overslept this morning, forgot my hot cuppa tea on the kitchen counter and never juiced. I made it half way to work before giving in to the little devil that resides on my left shoulder and stopped for a small decaf (1 cream, 5 sugars) and a sausage biscuit. I figure at this point I am having a reset day and will start juicing either tonight or tomorrow morning when I am not rushed.
All of this could have been avoided if I had juiced last night instead of giving up my kitchen time - which was ridiculous and only in my head. Thinking back I wonder if it was a subconscious sabotage. I have a nasty habit of undermining successful efforts. Feeling thinner = permission to eat. Why I don't know. I could make some therapeutic guesses, but it's all crap. It's just me being weak.
God I am rambling, and on company time too! I'll call it part of my lunch. But I am determined to go to Sprouts for some more Kale Naked juice blend and coconut water for lunch despite my perverse nature screaming for a Mr. Pickles BLT.
Heaven help me.
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