BLF: Bright and more Bright

Last night while lying in bed I promised myself, or at least one of myselves, that she could have Harvest Grain Pancakes from iHop if she could just wait until morning to eat. I was desperate and it was a last ditch effort to stay Bright. It worked. I slept. And luckily this morning I was back on track mentally as I always find myself in the morning and easily ate a big Bright breakfast. It would have been so easy too; R had taken Cal to treatment and wouldn't be back for hours, and I had dropped A off at school. So free time to do what ever I pleased.  Which turned out not to be pancakes but coming home and signing on to work for an hour and a half. Go Me.

It was an easy day. Cal lay down for a nap and R took A to lunch so the house was quiet and I logged some more time at work. Then R and I watched a movie in the middle of a Monday afternoon! It was nice to relax, Mondays are usually so hard, and it was a really nice change of pace even though I ended up working a couple of extra hours.

Today's food:

• (b)  farrow, refried beans, salsa, cheese and a small banana and some blackberries
• (l)  roasted veggies, hamburger stewed w\ tomatoes & onions, apple
• (d)  cabbage, red onion, red pepper salad w\ artichoke hearts, red kidney beans & parmesan

So I was Bright today following a Bright night, and my brain is in a good place heading into this evening. I'm thinking about Summer clothes, and how fun it is to watch R getting smaller all the time, and thinking about how I can be doing the same thing if I can stay focused and not lapse into moodiness. Reminder to self, add back ground flax meal and spinach to your meals!!

I'm really glad I cooked this weekend, it makes everything so much easier when I know exactly what's in the fridge and what my meals for the next day are. Which of course is one of the fixes for will-power depletion. 

And I can see from the thoughts that are popping up that the part of me that wants to manage everything is peeking her head out, letting me know how I could be doing things perfectly, and I am calmly assuring her that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at the moment and that she can go rest and take it easy for awhile. "I've got this", I tell her in the nicest way possible. And it's these little conversations that will make the difference, and noticing why I am doing something before it becomes problematic. Too perfect leads to deprivation which wakes up the rebel and there I go back into the ditch.  Not this time ladies, not this time.

Sanity in check, I'm ready for some night time tea, and American Idol.