As I sit down to write I can clearly see Helen Hunt saying to Jack Nicholson something like, "I wish I had your problems where someone wants to lend me their convertible to get out of the city!" I know it's not an accurate quote from As Good As It Gets, but the point is that this is a problem that literally millions would love to have. That is how blessed my life is and also a small footnote about how I may not be as grateful as I think I am.
My daughter looked me in the eye earlier today and told me to prepare myself because we are going to Hawaii in August. All of us, including me. I've been thinking about this on and off for a bit because I knew it was a possibility and was preparing my polite regrets for if it became an actuality. The long flight, the pain, taking time apart. So much for that plan; the look in her eye was pointed and clear - I was going.
So how is that a problem? Because of the pressure I feel to stay Bright and lose some more weight in the next few months. Realistically I want to do that anyway, and recently being able to commit has been a topic in my master mind group. So really, the Universe just handed me a challenge to speed along the lesson.
This week the focus will be on staying Bright, and connecting with the part of me that rebels against perceived, or self inflicted, pressure. Why my parts have to fight is a bit of a mystery, but I know there is history behind the whys and wherefores of my parts and that it is up to me to decipher the lot, offer love and understanding, and bring them into the fold. Kicking and screaming if needs be.
In group yesterday I mentioned that I need to update my parts map to include the parts I have identified since we first took the Bright Line Freedom course. And of course now it feels like homework - but only to the part of me that is dragging her heels and spitting and cursing at the inconvenience of it all. "I mean really", she says, "just pop a bowl of popcorn and forget about it!" Yes, she does have some nerve. But I will love her, and I will welcome her, and with all the self compassion I can muster.
Today's food:
- (b) farrow, refried beans, salsa, cheese and a small banana and some blackberries
- (l) roasted veggies, hamburger stewed w\ tomatoes & onions, apple
- (d) cauliflower soup, bbq pulled pork, green salad w\ artichoke hearts & parmesan
Dinner was different than planned, but M came home with left over bbq, and I had some veggie soup to finish up, and turns out it was a marriage made in heaven. The lentils will wait.
A quick trip to Kohls this afternoon for some Summer tops found me shopping in the Ladies section, not to be confused with the Women's Plus section, and the tops all fit. I'm still in an XXL, but they are smaller than the XXL's you find in the plus sizes so I am not too bent out of shape. This was a good reminder to stay on track. While it's nice to be down 30 #s, I need the next 30 to leave now. Like right now, before Hawaii. And there it is, the stress of expectations I don't trust myself to meet.
One Day At A Time. This is going to happen.
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