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Thursday, July 26, 2012

Desiring Motion

Do we need goals? For motivation to arise within us does there need to be a catalyst? Science tells us that a body in motion stays in motion - how does it get there? What begins the first swing of the pendulum? Is there a gradual movement that eventually becomes a sway which in turn becomes a cage swinging around and around like the ride I use to love as a child? That ride was all about me; hands on the bars of opposing sides of the cage, shifting my weight back and forth until swinging high enough to breach the top and fall down the other side. Then it was easy, keeping my weight first to one side and then the other until my time was up and I had to let it fall into it's natural back and forth rhythm, it's weight slowing the momentum until gradually coming to rest at the bottom where I had to step out and give up my turn to another. I loved it, I loved accomplishing something, and I had a love\hate relationship with the feeling of cresting the top knowing I was about to fall, then in love again with the speed of the descent.  How this reconciles with the girl who grew up being car sick and not being able to sit on a swing without getting vertigo is beyond me. Maybe because I was in control; I learned in my early 50's that I could tell my brain which way the car was going to turn ahead of the motion and it would keep me from getting so motion sick. That the disconnect was in the communication between my eyes and ears - my brain not translating info from my eyes to my balance center in my ears. Made sense, I tried it, and surprise surprise it worked. That was the same year I discovered I could read in the car by holding the book up in front of me instead of down on my lap.

But back to motivation - I have always been lacking, and yes, whined about it here somewhere more than once I am sure. I want some magical feeling of impetus to propel me forward, to guide me towards fulfillment of my wishes and dreams. I am a hard worker if it's for someone else; helping them seems to give me great motivation. So why not for myself? Why isn't helping myself motivation enough to spin me into action. Is there another disconnect in my brain that I can discover and fix?  And how would I go about finding this, this thing, that is missing so I can compensate for it. I don't think I will find it in a pill.

My brain is trying to connect the messages coming out of my fingertips this morning - from motivation, to being in control of the cage, to finding a solution to my carsickness. I know it is all connected, I know there is an answer in there somewhere.

What did Holmes say? The hunt is afoot?

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