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Sunday, July 22, 2012

Crankiness loses it's bloom (27/30)

Yesterday: Water, check.

Breakfast: Sourdough toast with almond butter, flax meal, honey & sliced banana
Snack: Medium popcorn at theater
Lunch: Taco salad, no cheese, sour cream or shell
Dinner: Chopped salad

Saw  Dark Knight Rises yesterday, and knowing it was almost a three hour movie I chose a medium popcorn instead of my usual small. Then to a local favorite for a taco salad. I skipped most of the bad stuff leaving only rice as the loophole in an otherwise healthy list of ingredients. Why, after all that popcorn, I even needed to eat lunch after the movie is beyond me. Or why  I needed dinner last night either; this morning I feel full, swollen and cranky. Of course the cranky part is nothing new, in fact thinking about it I realize that is the landscape through which I experience everything else. For years. What ever happened to 'change your thoughts, change your feelings' or my resolve at the beginning of this blog to get back to being myself and doing the things I love? When did it become a chronicle of unhappiness and woes, or was it always and I am once again on the edge of being sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Certainly the heart stress of the last few months must affect how I feel about the way I live, mustn't it? Or will I take it under my wing with all the other 'oh well' moments I have safely tucked in there.


The desire, MY desire, is to be a naturally happy person, that is the kernel of me, but apparently my candy coated shell is still a rather bitter chocolate. So what is it I really want? Calm and happy comes to mind. I envision the energy and health needed to garden, to hold a book, to go to archery shoots. The oomph to go on camera safaris and participate in holidays, and even just walk the dog.


I did walk her yesterday; just around the block, the pain blossoming in my shoulder and arm and driving me back home before I had barely begun. I use to walk five miles a day, five days a week; I want that me back. Not that I would drag short stuff on such an endeavor, but I would like to at least get her to the pond and back a few times a week. Speaking of stretching her short little legs, I had better do it now before the heat of the day drives away my motivation. (Note to self on future book title, "To the Pond and Back.")
 4352 steps taken

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