Another disappointment (15/30)

The intent behind my 30 days of water was for it to be a stepping stone to get back on track. To eat better and to move more are the next two steps, and then I knew I would be at a place where I felt I was taking care of myself. That being done I could then do a juice fast knowing I wouldn't rebound afterwards, that I would have good habits to sustain me once I had accomplished the fast and not ruin all my efforts on that front with a dive into a bowl of Mac N Cheese. But I am not staying true to the intent of my 30 days.  Instead it has become a leash that I pull against daily, and I am the dog chained to my good intentions; snarling and fighting to fight free like the beast that I am. Yes, I am drinking all the water I planned each day, but there ends the quality. At least it feels that way after this past week.

When will I learn that when it comes to food what I imagine is rarely what I get. I was so looking forward to the fried fish last night, and I kept imagining the way it had been from Louise's years ago. Instead of square flaky lengths of cod there were flat fillets, and the batter was flatter too, not the wonderful mix of crisp and fluffy that I remembered. And while every indulgence lately has ended with me feeling like crap, I seem to forget that as soon as the next temptation starts wreaking havoc with my neurons upstairs - or whatever drives my obsessive thoughts of food. And all the grease, ugh. Last night about an hour after dinner I started feeling like I had been run over by a truck, and this morning I am heavy and feeling just as flat emotionally as my fish were last night.

I need to get a grip. I need to embrace my plan as the wholesome guide I intended it to be. I need a lot of things apparently, so why can't I want them with my whole heart and follow through?

Yesterday: Water, check

Breakfast:  left over potato dipped in Captain's Sauce
Lunch: left over veggie soup with dark red kidney beans thrown in
Snack: big luscious apple
Dinner: fried fish, onion rings, shrimp & potatoes - and of course Captain's Sauce

My brain is begging for something green this morning, hmmmm - I wonder why! Maybe my Dr. visit this afternoon will help motivate me, which sounds like a cop out, I am the master of my universe, no?

Steps: once again my Fitbit is MIA. I thought I was leaving it in the same place each night but didn't see it yesterday morning and couldn't find it last night. But I didn't walk at lunch, I worked through and came home early. OMG - lol, every little 'bit' helps! I need to find that sucker.