The first Bright night was my Birthday, and I'm realizing now that it's a great starting place to count how many Bright nights I have in a row. I want a whole week, which I have done before, but more than that I want to reach ten days in a row. While I probably had that many in a row back in the beginning, I wasn't tracking anything then. Thinking about it, the only reason I am tracking now is a commitment I made to myself on 5/6/2020 when I sketched out my first 100 day block. Looking back in my paper journal there were only a dozen Bright Nights in that first of five blocks. The second block had 39 Bright Nights, and the third had only 23.
It's easy now to look back and see that the third block was full of IFS work, and that while I was learning about my parts, my lines suffered. But almost always my days were Bright, and just my nights were broken. And I have learned so much, I cannot begrudge my past self her broken lines, because I know it brought me here.
I am feeling a little tired this morning, and I have a crick in my neck that I need to attend to in a bit, but what I don't have is a feeling of hopelessness. For now at least, it is just gone, and I can clearly see my path forward; reaching ten days in a row, then a month. And I can really see all the way to living in my right sized body.
I was exactly 200 pounds on the scale this morning. The scale was still in the bathroom and my pjs were practically falling off anyway, so I stepped on. And it came to me that I really know, deep in my heart, that this is the week that I keep my Bright Lines and break through to the 100s. Onederland or Wonderland...whatever, just a number that helps mark the way to the smaller body I know is waiting for me.
The scale is still going back to the garage today. If and when I want to weigh I can borrow R's scale, or go to the garage and weigh there since the weather should continue to improve as we head into Spring. I think May 1st is a good goal, and I don't plan on having to weigh until then.
It's another gorgeous day outside, and I have some gardening to do after my MMG this morning. I am so thankful for this group who has helped me reach this point in my recovery from food addiction. And even more grateful that they will be there for me if and when I fall on my face again. Just knowing that fills me with power and peace; the power to succeed, and the peace to accept whatever is coming my way.
Power and Peace. Interesting that they can co-exist in such a positive way.
My belly full of toast, sausage, and purple grapes, I leave to enjoy my day.
No comments:
Post a Comment