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Monday, August 31, 2015

A Better Day

Today was not just another another Monday. Today, today was different. I don't know if was the exposure over the weekend to many episodes of 'Extreme Loser' and how each contestant was given a goal to directly confront someone in their life that was causing anger or pain, or if it was just me reaching the end of my rope. I have whined many times over the past couple of years about a co-worker, co-manager actually, that has caused me many a stressful day. Friday I had approached the Boss about one specific thing I needed to handle with her, and today he gave me some support which was new and unexpected.

 She didn't make it in today despite my email to her Friday that we needed to meet this morning; for her it was just another typical Monday with another crazy excuse for not being there. It doesn't even matter if the reason was valid or not, when I got her text it was like falling over a waterfall I had been on the brink of for a really long time, like I just gave up fighting to stay aloft and let myself fall.

My return text to her was to check her email when she arrived home. (She had been driving to work and had to pull over to the side because her meds were making her dizzy.) While she made her way home I typed a very detailed note to her about making sure she came to work Tuesday because we needed to resolve some issues. I apologized for the slightly 'Monday Bitchy' tone there may have been, but I was, all in all, polite.Thereafter ensued an email exchange in which I was clear about the problems her lack of attendance and attention were causing the team as a whole. I didn't hold anything back while being courteous and professional. I was not entirely pleased with any of her responses, but my final message to her merely said we would need to have a planning meeting in the morning based on what she decided to do. In a nutshell I requested she either choose to be there in body and mind, or to decide what she would rather be doing.

I'm not anxious or mad, I'm just ready to make this problem go away once and for all. Interestingly enough I had no interest in getting food on the way home, and I had a green smoothie for dinner once I reached home, and then a small bowl of leftover rice and kung pao. AND, R made some awesome buttermilk brownies last night, substituting some orange oil for part of the fat, and I was happy to have only one normal piece for dessert tonight. So far there is no desire or intention of helping myself to a second piece. Instead I have a cuppa chamomile tea brewing to take to bed with me. Oh! And no nap after work today. Thank Heavens!

If this feeling is just a small taste of what confronting something that is dragging me down can do then I think it's time I address the bigger issues. Molested as a child, the men who killed my son, I can only imagine what I might be like if that emotional baggage was off my back. Food for thought, so to say.

Now I am tired, and ready for bed. Maybe one more episode to bolster my resolve to be strong, fair, and imperative tomorrow.

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