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Tuesday, September 1, 2015

I Choose Me

I did watch another episode of Extreme Weight Loss last night, and I realized that in the beginning of each new story they begin by making a production of letting the new client know that they have been selected, they have been chosen  to experience a transformation. I remember realizing this before, that I could choose me, that I didn't have to wait for my prince charming to save me, that I could save myself. But one has to be in the right place. Whether that's hitting bottom, or having an epiphany I guess it doesn't really matter. Maybe it's just the last drip of water on the stone of your being that triggers a survival response. But whatever it is, I feel like I am changing. It's probably just a slow start to another 'manic' episode, but today I am still calm and determined to change my work environment back to something positive.

Back when I was the Administrative Mgr. of a multi-million dollar corporation I had a sign on my door, "The quality of life should not change when entering this door."  It was true then and stays relevant today. Maybe even more so as I have a much shorter life expectancy now than I did then. Say another good 20 years if I start taking care of myself, and then another 10-20 after that? I had two grandmothers who lived until their 90's, and lived well,  not bedridden or senile. And they didn't have Orenda's O'Tropin to take like I do. In any case I don't imagine there is another desk job in my future, and I refuse to keep working under stress at this one.

One more note and then I am off to get ready for work. The kids have decided to have another baby; A has been asking for a baby brother for years, R's best friend is due with her 2nd in November, and she is going to be 35 in September. It's a now or never decision, and if all goes as planned I'll have another grandchild in a year or so. All I see is love, the rest will fall into place.
Today went well; no drama, lots of work, and an unexpected show of confidence from the Boss. I had a short conversation with my 'challenge' at work and I am still calm. I know that I have it in me to replace her if I have to, and this time there will be no backsliding or she is gone. Simple as that.

R also looked up the names of the convicted killers of her brother and they are both still inmates from 2008 when sentenced. Next will be to visit the site.

I have a mental list, and I am going to confront everyone on it. I am going to be healthy and happy, and I am going to be those things sooner than later. Because I choose Me.

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