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Sunday, February 17, 2013

A Peek at Spring

Yesterday I drove to the coast with my two favorite girls. We rambled through sand and tide pools, falling a little, sweating a lot, and discovering all sorts of bits and pieces together. There is nothing quite like the call of a four year old shouting gleefully, "look what I found", as you hold your breath and pray for her good footing and balance to take precedence over her excitement to share. I came home with a small orange crab claw, two broken shards of shell, and a lighter heart. I also came home exhausted through and through. H came through with dinner, and I managed to drag my sorry ass into the messy kitchen and not exit stage left until it was clean. Aha! Something accomplished! The rest of the evening passed in a blur, and for the first time in seven years morbid thoughts did not consume me between 8:30 and 9:00pm.

It wasn't until this morning that the sad thoughts began to surface. Well, really only one. I realized that I have to believe there is something more than meets the eye, because Joey deserved better than the hand he played while here. Mostly that is what I think. There is a whole discussion to be had for what the human experience is, and what if anything follows or came before. It is one of my regrets that I have had no one to have those interesting conversations with; but that's about me, and I didn't sit down to whine.

I would rather gloat about the three lush mounds of cut grass that lay drying on the back brick patio. About how dismal the morning was, and how glad I was when the sun broke through. I had been wretched all morning, unable to wake up properly. Even after dressing with the intention to go buy cough drops and dish soap I ended up back on the couch to watch a movie I had recorded earlier in the day. When it was over I erased it and clicked on the next recording. Funny how things work. It was a surfing documentary, and after a few minutes of enjoying the sun vicariously through the tanned and muscled surfer dudes I realized the sun was actually making an appearance in my own back yard. Off went the TV, on went the crocs, and out the back door I flew.

How wonderful to be up and about, using my muscles, and feeling...worthy...for a moment. Just Grand. And I know I will be ever so grateful when the rain comes later this week and little Kaylee has short grass to wade through instead of the long dripping fronds that would have otherwise challenged her dwarfed legs.  She is so much nicer to cuddle when dry!

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