Counting Calories

Yesterday was the first time I tracked calories in...well, longer than I can remember. That poor tracking sheet has tabs going back to 2006. I refuse to think of it as a record of failed last attempts. It's somewhat like this blog, standing as evidence that I am still fighting, still trying to get to some mythical panacea of health and happiness. The satisfaction I see reflected in the writing of others has recently inspired me to 'do' instead of 'try' and I am hoping this mind set lasts longer than the weekend. It feels so good to be calm and focused for a change. I am not discounting that this has been a hard time for me in recent years. I was reading some past entries here yesterday and feeling just awful for...not me exactly, but for the anguish I read there and the girl who was typing at the time.  The pain is still here, but there are layers of other stuff overlaying it like bandages. I must mention now the allegory I found years ago - grief is like a redwood tree recovering from fire; the burn remains, but new bark is grown over the damage covering it up as the tree continues to grow. Ok, back to yesterday.

Here is my food log. As you can see there are more than just calories. When I set this up I wanted to focus on health and there were some basic tenets that I thought important at the time. 1. Get enough calcium. I had followed the Atkins approach to dieting for a couple of years and one day walked out the front door, stumbled, and broke my leg. It makes sense to me now that I know digesting animal protein puts my body in an acidic state and in order to bring balance back, base minerals are stolen from the skeleton. My poor bones were probably very depleted and weak after a couple of years of abuse.  2. Don't get too much sodium. I am a potato-chip-aholic. They are a continuing battle. I have found that staying away from processed foods and using table salt alternatives gets the job done. You will see in my chart below that the sodium overage is from processed foods: canned beans, ketchup & salad dressing.  If I had used home made refried beans and made my own dressing (as I love to do) my sodium would have been fine. But I had other things on my mind than salt yesterday.  3. Not too much protein. The WHO (world health organization) recommends that between 5-10% of daily calories come from protein. We WAY over indulge here in the States, and while my 15% is much higher than their recommendation, it is much lower than the average american bear. So this is why I expanded the tracking sheet. It didn't happen all at once, this is just the beast it has grown into. And that being said, I really should add a column for the last of the trifecta of evil in eating - sugar. But since I don't plan to track daily, I am not going to do that. I just want to track on days I am struggling to keep honest with myself, or to do a spot check if I am straying away from the basics (which I will share another day, this is already getting long.) I want to lose 20 pounds and I don't want to take a year or two in which to do it. I can do the last 30 or 40 slow and steady, not this first 20. It has to go and it has to go now! Hitting Control\Enter will enlarge the chart if you need a closer look.

After adding my orange for dessert about 7:30 last night I was happy with my totals.  There were times yesterday I did feel like eating more, but it was just boredom. I can only do so much at a time with my back the way it is, and after working cutting up tree branches for the green waste container I had to come in and rest the remainder of the day. Today I will put a book on my Shuffle and go for a walk when I get to that place again.

All in all a good start. I got things done around the house, helped a neighbour cut up a tree, ate mostly well, stayed hydrated, and went to bed feeling proud of myself that I made it through a 1500 calorie day. A quick word about that number. My sister, who weighs less than my goal weight, used that number to lose a couple of pounds she wanted to get rid of, and there was Sean at 500 pounds using the same number for him to lose weight. That is why I call 1500 the magic number and updated my tracking sheet yesterday. I had landed on 1400 being a number I could live with, but I like the idea of an extra 100 calories. I think it is more realistic for not hitting that place of desperation that rises from deprivation.  Ugh, hate awkward sentences but it says what I meant.

On to day two. I am alone again today and thinking about pancakes. What one has to do with the other I don't know, but the thoughts are linked. Well, I do know sort of; food has been a constant companion. In that I am no different than anyone else. Without it we would all die rather more quickly than we are now. Sad to think that I turn to food for company as much as nutrition, but changing my spots from a homebody...well, probably not going to happen. But I can change my habits, and have to a great extent if you discount this past year of self indulgence on the dark side. And it does feel ever so good to be out walking in the sun again.

AND...a phone call and I will not be alone today, the precious granddaughter is coming. Nothing like a two year old to keep you on your toes!