Day one of Eleven

There have been some really hard days recently, and I am not proud of how often I have succumbed to that evil little voice that tempts me into thinking 'what the fuck' and grabbing some french fries for dinner. I am reminded everyday that I need to keep my thoughts positive, whether by myself or by others, but I am so tired of fighting to stay positive. I figure the 20 pounds I have gained back is punishment enough for not trying harder, and I just can't beat myself up any more or there will be nothing left of me.

Anyway, this past weekend I did the prep work for a healthy week. I made a big batch of lentil soup that was mostly greens and turnips and I prepped yellow squash and red onions so that they were ready to throw in the pot for an easy dinner. After work today I sautéed a big handful of the latter with the last of a bag of Asian stir fry veggies from TJ's and one small nuked potatoe (sorry, looks naked without the e at the end.) I mashed the tater up with a little home-made sauce of soy milk, nutritional yeast, soy sauce, tahini and chipotle sauce. Sometimes you just need to keep adding things until you get something good - I want my food to be delicious. I topped this with the veggies and YUM.

Then outside to shoot my bow, which I picked up yesterday for the first time in a year, and to berate myself for how weak I have become.  I also congratulated myself for being out there and shooting; yin and yang, keeping the balance.  Yesterday I also opened my old 'tracking sheet' file to look at how I was eating last year, and glanced at how I was tracking my exercise back when I was losing weight slowly and surely, and while looking at the detailed pages I realized I have absolutely no compulsion to take it back up again. Maybe if I put my energy into good choices instead of into logging what I have done and what I intend to do it will go better. One (I) can only hope. That's a step closer to living in the present, no?

I do have goals; I want to shoot in the PacCoast Championship later this month so I am in a hurry to build up some stamina. I need to eat more greens for energy, and I need to quit eating fast food for the same reason.

So today went well; green smoothie for breakfast, lentil soup and a walk at lunch, stir fry veggies for dinner, and 30 arrows shot in the driveway sweating away in the 93 degree heat.  It will be hot at the tournament so it's good training, and I love thinking of all the toxins leaking away in my sweat so that was okay.

Tonight I need to rest my back, so no farming - maybe a little bit later on, but this typing has used up the last of me for a while. If I want/need to eat later I have lots of fresh veggies to make a salad or just munch away on cauliflower and carrots.

Day One - Good. Ten to go before we leave for Sacratomatoes, otherwise known as Sacramento.