I start each day now by reading a couple of entries over at Sean's Blog both for the inspiration I feel at reading his words as well as the habit of doing something positive each morning to get off on the right foot. Today I read about keeping your dreams at hand so you can use them to combat cravings. Funny how this is all coming together. Yesterday as I was walking at lunch time I passed a girl getting the mail across the street and I couldn't help but admire how her white tank top was very flattering to her form. Slim waist, strong shoulders...she reminded me of someone and it took a moment to realize that it was me. A me that was 60 pounds lighter, but me. Athletic, nice waist, strong shoulders - I have all of those things when you can see them. And yesterday I burned that picture into my head so I could bring it out when I needed it, so I could hold it up in my mind like a crucifix against the little devil words of temptation that creep in so pervasively. I have written so many times about how tired I am of fighting, of how I just want to feel normal. Well, normal for me. But is fighting really fighting when you give in all the time? When you don't follow through in action what you battle internally what is that called? Because that is what I have been doing. I'm thinking it's time to stop whatever THAT is and actually get out there and win some battles in the real world. Like not eating the brownie bite yesterday, that was a real battle that I won. A few more of those each day and I could, just maybe, start feeling really good about myself. I need that, we all do.
As Glenda the Good Witch said, "It's been inside you this whole time" or something along those lines. I think making the connection between what's inside and what's outside is what makes the difference.
And with those last rambling thoughts I think I'll just ramble my way outta here determined to win all the little battles I fabricate this new fine day.
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