As proof positive I have not been paying attention, my 100 day mark came and went yesterday with only the smallest of blips on my radar. I found myself thinking, "Oh, my hundred days are up, I can stop eating now." There are many things inherently wrong with that thought, but it does speak to my ongoing struggle with goals, deadlines, and mental challenges. Like looking in the mirror, seeing a slimmer version of myself, and immediately upping my calorie intake. I still haven't figured out that part - how is it wrong to look nice - and until I confront that particular demon I would imagine there isn't a plan on earth that will help. It must stem back to being molested as a child when I was endowed early with breasts and hips, but really, I thought I had let that go a long time ago. So what is it then? I love how I feel when I lose a few pounds, and then a few more. Why is it so alarming when I actually 'see' the results? Why the rebound eating? I wish I could just vacuum out my brain and start fresh - wait, isn't that what they call a pre-frontal lobotomy?
Anyway, I am happy to have lost and kept off 15 pounds, and I am still losing and gaining back another 5 so at any given day it may be 20. Each time I realize things are getting snug I become conscientious about using the CBS products and the pounds come right back off. I am hoping this is a transitional stage and that I will continue to lose now that I am free from the self imposed burden of a 100 day challenge. This is why teenage rebellion is so important, if you don't do it then, it rears it's ugly head later. Like in your fifties when you are supposed to be all grown up. Which is a delusional state in and of itself, but that is a conversation for another day. Besides helping me lose weight the plan did help me refocus on whole foods, nutrition, and taking care of myself better; all good things. And I reordered a bottle of Clean so I can continue using it one day a week just because it makes me feel...well, clean! I like feeling lighter in body and mind those days, not to mention the break from cooking.
I hate that I have decided there will always be good and bad days, because I believe thoughts are things and I need to keep working on weeding out the bad thoughts. I am better at it than I used to be so there is progress being made.
In any case, while disappointed that I couldn't focus my attention on the CleanBurnShape program for the full 100 days and can't help but wonder what would have been the result if I had just followed the plan for those days (such a short time in my life. Big Sigh) I am nevertheless feeling good, have more pants that now fit, and am looking forward to incorporating the products into an ongoing nutritious food plan.
Thinking about that, here is how the day is shaping up. We are just back from walking to the golf course coffee shop for a breakfast of sourdough toast and eggs over easy. This morning I blended and reduced some left over bean soup into creamy, rich and delicious re-fried beans to use with the ripe avocados that are hanging out on the kitchen counter for taco salads at lunchtime. Then a Shape shake for dinner with spinach and blueberries, my favorite go to.
As for the week, I'm not making my usual batch of weekend soup, it's time for a freezer purge and to use up all the frozen portions of homemade soups and stoups so those will be lunches or dinners next week depending on my mood. So for now the plan is back to normal, each day having a veggie bean soup, a chopped salad, and a green smoothie. I'll keep adding a scoop of Shape to my smoothies, and incorporate a clean day once during the week. I believe I can still be a smaller size come Thanksgiving, but am setting no specific goal for my monkey brain to fret over.
I really missed swimming last week, so I need to brave the cooler weather and make that happen on an almost daily basis again. Eat healthy, move more. That's the plan. Oh, and quit with the bread already! Jeez Loueez.
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