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Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I want to eat the world

I want to slice it up in big crusty wedges and cram them into my mouth until every last crumb and pebble is gone and I no longer wish to eat.

I started back on the CBS products today - they gave me relief from this overwhelming feeling of gluttony and this morning I couldn't face another day of that wretched angst - thank heavens I had some left overs from the plan.

There were so many times I could have \ should have written over the past couple of weeks, but there was no desire to do so, and without that...well, what's the point. I suppose there is something to be said for having a daily exercise in writing, but that is for actual writers. I hadn't even realized it had been so long until signing on just now. That would be the addictive nature of online farming, swallowing up my time and brains until my existence shrinks to such a small spark that I might as well not even be here.

Just pathetic. Oh how I can wallow.  All the good and bad parts of my life are still here, but I am apparently choosing to ignore them all and instead eat everything in site, as is my wont when stressed. But as usually happens, nothing satisfies the hunger and here I am once again making a valiant effort to regain lost ground. bummer.

So I have sweet potato and kale soup heating in the microwave, and have opened up the house to let the breeze in. The dogs are clamoring for their turn at the trough, so I am off to slog through the chores that seem more mundane than ever this late Summer afternoon.  I wonder where my good mood went, but am grateful it lasted as long as it did - practically a record come to think of it.

Fight fight fight. I walked at lunch, finding redwoods and eucalyptus to shade my way, and had homemade juice with Shape for lunch. I accomplished much at work, and will find something positive to do this evening. I will.

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