Words tumbled out of my mouth this morning, tired, I suppose, of being caged for so long. Honest words but hurtful. I don't want this life anymore. And I have hurt my friend, and myself, but it is a long time coming and there is no going back. I don't know how we will make it through this, but we will. There is a life for each of us out there, but in the meantime I am left with a quaking stomach and frayed nerves. I certainly know how to ruin a holiday, which is rather ironic given the way this one has unfolded.
But that was the trigger after all - I can't go through another holiday season in this half life I have created for myself. I just can't. Instead I have to be brave and trust that everything will work out. Not as it is intended, I don't buy into that, but just as it will. Please let there be a lit window for each of us to open after the closing of this particular door. Please.
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