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Sunday, August 14, 2011

Quiet

To feel calm and to be able to enjoy a breath of quiet is truly a moment of grace. No thoughts racing through my head, no irritability to be on the move. Just a small sense of peace. How wonderful to lay still, my body heavy and relaxed on the soft cotton sheets.   I know that really learning to meditate could bring this state to me on a daily basis; maybe it really is time to put some effort towards that goal.  It is one of the most frustratingly perverse human traits that we can think a thing to death and never take a step towards something we fancy.

It is a quiet grey morning outside, the light of the new day not quite having breached the walls of my mother's house. I woke from a dream where I was holding my small son, and comforting him while he cried. I knew he missed me, knew I was leaving again, and it made me so sad and so confused and guilty that I woke up. Now the calm is creeping away as my heart fills with the memory of that dream, and feels so heavy it will most certainly drop down through my body to thud on the floor.

I am so grateful for the moment of peace I had this morning. I will try to think good thoughts this morning and not let myself dwell.  I know I am worthy, why can I not behave accordingly.

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