When I first read Bright Line Eating it struck a chord that reverberated throughout my whole being like a clarion call and I was indeed moved to action. Here it is almost three years later and I have come a long way; learned about my parts and to love my Rebel. Learned how to respect what works for me and what doesn't, and that was by learning to listen to my own true self, or as BLE would say it, my authentic self. But what I haven't done is taken off the weight that is negatively impacting my weight. So maybe this isn't right for me? But maybe it is.
Recently in my MMG one of the group said she was divorcing BLE and was studying Instinctive Eating - she no longer would be told what, when, and how to eat. It really made me think, but it didn't take long to recognize we are at different places and that I could respect her decision while making my own. And my own was to immerse myself back into BLE, because it dawned on me that I am choosing to follow the plan. I need to lose weight to lift the burden my arthritic back is carrying - I need to be out of pain. And BLE can get the weight off. But that's not all. I really do appreciate my brain when it's off drugs (sugar & flour) and the shift in perspective it affords me. More positive, less moody, more inclined to pay attention to self care instead of wallowing in a pity pool
Having made this decision it was easy to embrace the Bootie Camp just started by another BLE buddy. The first time I went through Boot Camp I discovered my Rebel and felt like I was being dragged kicking and screaming through an exercise in futility. Bootie camp is going through the Boot Camp modules again, but this time together as a small group. I think there are about ten of us which will afford us the time to get to know one another and give & take the support we need. The original Boot Camp had hundreds of members in it and I just isolated, totally overwhelmed, and could never connect with the group. I feel that the parts work I have done, in combination with what I now know about myself, brings me to a place that I can appreciate what I missed the first time around, and discard without shame or regret the parts that don't serve me.
Noes below on the first two modules, what I find important this time around and reflections on what I have learned as each topic arises. I hope these will be my journaling prompts for the next eight weeks.
Module 1:
Be unstoppable: We do this one day at a time (ODAAT). I feel that the two years I spent maintaining the original 30# loss was a lesson in 'Rezooming'. No matter what I ate or did during the day or evening I would wake up optimistic and ready to be Bright every morning. Interestingly enough, this morning I did not. I felt I knew what to do, but had no manic energy to predict the rest of the day. Sometimes it's not one day at a time, but one meal, or moment, or second at a time. It just all feels possible, and it's a good feeling.
Have an Emergency Action Plan (EAP): I never wrote this down the first time around, but I did last week:
Human connection: grab a child to hug or wrestle or swim
Prayer: ask the Universe for help
Meditation: do breath work to settle my parts
Gratitude: just be thankful, just take a moment to be in love with my world
Service: make a phone call or sign on to check group messages
Distraction: play a game or get outside & water the garden
Sanctity. Create self-care practices that support my True North. I've never thought of self-care as creating a sanctuary, but that is what it does. Surrounding myself with habits that are solely to take care of myself and not about anyone else has been enlightening. Hearing all of the 'oxygen mask' talk for the last 20 years or so just felt like hype for being selfish. Now I know the truth, we need to take care of ourselves mentally & physically.
Module 2:
Commit Food: I have never been able to do this, not wanting to feel like a pretender or liar when I couldn't eat 'only and exactly' what I had committed. But this time I want to work the program, and with help I downloaded the Messenger App on my phone and learned how to snap a pic of my food for the next day and post it to the group.
Counting Days: For me there is no Day One. No 100 day colouring pages, no marking off Bright Days or hearts on a calendar. It's triggering for my Rebel - she won't be told what to do. Instead I focus on just the one next meal, and feel good about it being Bright, and that the last meal I had was Bright, and that the next one I make will be Bright. It's a relief knowing I can live in the present and not stress about what I will have to report.
Body Scale: SPT suggests weighing monthly, and then weekly as you approach maintenance so you can manage your 'Adds.' I started weighing my body weekly. Then as I lost my Brightness I only weighed if I felt lighter. I tried putting the scale in the garage and weighed monthly, and finally I stopped weighing my body. The food chatter was too great, the number too inflammatory. No matter what the number a part of me was ready to go crazy and I had had enough. I did weigh at my Mom's in February confirming I was still at 202 - the same exact weight on the same scale from two years earlier. And I think it was a trigger for me, Two months later I had gained 15 pounds - half of my original weight lost! NO MORE. No more body scale. My clothes will tell the tale.
Meditation: It has been a relief to finally add this to my daily routine. Once I learned you don't have to use a meditation bench or sit cross legged I embraced it. And realized I've been using mantras to meditate for quite a while. First as a child to self-soothe, then after reading Eat Pray Love I began to use Elizabeth Gilbert's mantras. After reading up on breathing, I added breath work (4 in through the nose, count to two, seven out through the mouth) to ground myself before slowing my breath and relaxing was key.
Daily Reader: I tried, and all of the positivity just annoyed me. I need to find some poetry or something that is beautiful without being preachy.
Habit Stacks: Slowly but surely I have developed these. Besides my AM and PM stacks below I eat everyday at the same time, 8am, 11am, and 4pm. This ensures I have breakfast before the kids need me, that I prepare my lunch and get out of the kitchen before my daughter takes her lunch at noon (she works from home) and finally that I eat dinner prior to starting my evening job at 5 and still have time to tidy up the kitchen.
AM Meditation, O'Tropin, Pills, Dandelion Tea with Collagen, breakfast, PT Exercises
PM Commit Food for the next day to my Bootie Camp group, Pills, brush teeth, O'Tropin
That's all for now, just enjoying a quiet Monday morning and getting my thoughts together for our Bootie Camp call this evening.
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