Holidays

I think I might have hidden this holiday season, my ghost self taking over and gliding through the familiar routines of Christmas and New Years. Lots of love and joy, presents and visits and decorations. But I never felt really present myself; distracted in a numbing sort of way. I don't know why, except that everything feels sort of wrong. Living an inauthentic life is very draining and I find myself exhausted all the time. Reading my last few entries I can see the negative spiral - if I can see it why can't I change it up? Too much chocolate at work, despite good intentions to the contrary, was not a great way to set the mood for the season. Thank heavens for these few days off from the office.

See, this is why I stopped writing - it's all crap anymore. I need to get over myself and back to healthy stuff.

And the first thing that comes to mind is the black eyed pea stoup I made for New Years Day Luck. Let's see if I can remember what I did.
Dice & slowly sautee until caramelized 1 small red onion (about half an hour)
While that was cooking diced up:
all the small celery stalks and leaves from the center of the bunch
one small sun choke
one half each red, yellow & green peppers

added those to soup pan with the onions along with a dash of liquid smoke, several shakes of salt free seasoning & a drizzle of molassess
Chopped up the leaves and small stems of 1 bunch of swiss chard
Once the peppers looked softened I added the chard, 15oz chopped canned tomatoes and 1 carton of Imagine Vegetable Stock and 2 cups of black eyed peas that had soaked overnight and brought it all to a boil. I think it simmered 2 hours before the beans were soft and added 1cup of warm water along the way.

Rich and delicious I never had a bowl because I had filled up on homemade cornbread and a taste of the beans my partner had cooked up for his New Year's Day Luck. Even his greens were lovely once I was brave enough to try them.

It's cold again this morning, and I'm up way too early. I don't know why 4am is my new waking hour, or why I think sleeping 10-6 is better than 8-4. Oh well, go with the flow and it is what it is and all that.

Today there is much to do; pack away Christmas decorations while watching the Rose Parade for about the 36th time in my life, clean up the mess we left in the kitchen yesterday, and reconfigure the computer set up in my home 'office' to free up some desk top space so that it is more conducive to actually working.

Just thinking about it I find my mind drifting to the idea of pancakes....

CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS CHANGE YOUR LIFE.  Okay, a SHORT stack of harvest grain pancakes.