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Saturday, July 23, 2011

History and and the Horrors of Repetition

I haven't been writing for a long time; sucked into the insanity of online gaming I have been struggling to keep my head above water there - thoughts of 'what the fuck am I doing wasting this day here' and 'I need to get up, I need to move, I need....something!' coursing through my brain as I sit immobile except for the flurry of my mouse finger and the occasional pattering across the keyboard. Ugh.  But I love to play and I don't see that going away.  

After my pathetic (but needed) dip into the pity pool last night I am rather calm this morning. I gamed a little, walked the dog & washed my wine glass, and spent some time reading back some of the posts I have written here.  I should rename this post something like, "The intimate ramblings of a bi-polar idiot."  My god, I have been in the same place emotionally so many times, will I never learn? Lets see, there is a good day filled with 'INSIGHTS' followed by the determination to 'FIGHT', and the 'LISTS' of all the wonderful plans on how to succeed. Ugh. then I disappear for a while, and all is dark and pitiful. And then...well just more of the same over and over.  So I guess here I am again back at the beginning YET AGAIN.  A good morning after a bad night and ready to slay dragons. How Dreadfully Boring.

Yes, yes, but lets move on to the lists :)

Eat for nutrition - Log at PeerTrainer
Stay Accountable - Blog here
Exercise - Walk the Dog, Shoot my Bow, Start the 100 push ups program,  Ride my Bike

How Grateful I am to be able to do those things. And it might all change, so I will try to feel blessed by what I can do instead of being grumpy about how things didn't turn out.


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