What a crazy busy week. During the days it was easy to stay on plan, taking my burn and drinking my clean, but I hadn't planned ahead and didn't have anything at home to mix my Shape shakes. So here is how the days went.
Mornings: Take vitamins from daily container that contains a Burn. Pack water bottles & fruit, mix clean with hot water to drink on the way to work instead of my usual decaf coffee. At work eat my fruit and start drinking my water.
Lunches: Take a Burn from the cute little sailboat pill tin I carry to work in my purse each day. Drink another clean, have half a pre-made salad, usually kale and something, adding beans, nuts or seeds and yes, using the salad dressing that comes with the mix. Not on program, but an excepted modification for my busy schedule right now. Besides, my Nutri bullet that is so handy at making fresh dressings is in the garage.
Dinners: Take the last Burn before driving home from work between 4-6. Have mostly cooked veggies, a bite of roast one night, tea and water, maybe fruit for dessert. Last weekend we had cooked a pot roast and there were leftover veggies, lots of onions, carrots, mushrooms, Brussels sprouts & potatoes. While potatoes are not on plan, they are one of my staples instead of animal protein and for me I think I would feel too deprived if I omitted them. Another night I threw a bag of frozen mixed veggies into the Instapot with some potatoes and stock to make a quick veggie stoup and had that the next two nights. If you've never heard of Magic Mushroom Mix google it now and use it in everything!
I drank all of my water each day except for yesterday; I was short about half, but that is still way more water than I've been drinking lately. And I had a piece of Lemon Meringue pie from Sprouts for my Friday night dessert.
For me, not too bad. And I am noticing changes in my face, tummy and waist. Which reminds me I didn't measure my waist. I'll measure it today and again after the 30 days is up. I haven't decided yet if I will order another 30 days right away, but just being away from fast food this week and pouring in the nutrition I have seen a change in my appetite and energy. So I just want to see if I can eat for nutrition on my own for a week or two before another round of 30 days. We'll see, there's no strict plan or objective other than lasting healthy habits; I think my brain and heart are ready for at least that much. It's too overwhelming to concentrate on the obvious or material motivations I may have, so my focus is on healthy habits - those will take me where I want to go, and who I want to be.
Yikes. I didn't even know where to measure my waist. So I have two measurements:
Smallest at indentation: 43"
Small of back to belly button: 45"
Scary Shit - only ten inches to go!
Showing posts with label CleanBurnShape. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CleanBurnShape. Show all posts
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Monday, February 6, 2017
Orenda CBS: Day Two
I slept well last night. I had been concerned with taking three of the Burn capsules yesterday that have green tea ingredients, but the flip side of that is staying busier during the day so I was more tired at night. Win Win.
I drank all of my water, 120 ounces, and this morning I can make my hands into fists! Still a bit swollen but incredibly better than yesterday morning. I remember from my first time on this program how quickly my body responded, but had forgotten the details. What a relief going about the morning's activities. Pouring cereal, slicing a banana packing a school lunch. I don't always do those things and it's nice to have a day off to help out.
Day off? What? I am meeting the vendor who is coming to clean out, disinfect, seal, and lay down new insulation in my attic. The house is over 30 years old and it's time. I know we have unwelcome visitors up there. Explaining to A this morning she asked if we were going to make them a warm place outside to be dry and warm and her mother and I both said, "No!" My heart may have been with her but not my brain. Someday I will probably have a pet rat, they are so smart and friendly, but the vagabonds have to go.
Today is another 'Clean' day, and I will do better than yesterday. Once the Fam had left for their Superbowl party I ate leftovers instead of having the shake I had planned on making. M had cooked bacon, had even asked if that was ok and I said yes. But he left four little pieces out on the counter, and I heard their siren song calling me, calling me, calling me. I made the rational decision that I wasn't in a contest and that I could eat what I wanted. Better to not deprive myself and go off the deep end later in retribution. Of course that led to a small bowl of leftover Chinese food, and finally corn chips dipped in the left over avocado half smashed up with salt and garlic. But it ended there, and I drank all of my water plus the two servings of Clean. And yes, my hands seem more like a big deal now that you know about the Chinese food.
Time to drink my Clean. I love that the first ingredient is Aronia berry, and that I am giving my immune system a flood of antioxidants. Once that is done I am prepping for the appointment, then while they are working I will be throwing away all of the leftovers from the fridge having garnered permission from my daughter last night.
One last item to catch up on since I haven't been writing. R is expecting my first grandson in April. We are all so happy and excited, and getting our home ready to welcome him is such good motivation for accomplishing tasks. He is also another reason for starting this program - I am soon to need more energy and flexibility and strength! Not that A doesn't need that too, but I had become complacent in my 'disability'. Old before my time because I was hiding from the world. This may just be another manic episode, but my outlook this morning is still positive and forward looking. Something happened this year; I'm not sure what, but I'm praying it lasts.
I drank all of my water, 120 ounces, and this morning I can make my hands into fists! Still a bit swollen but incredibly better than yesterday morning. I remember from my first time on this program how quickly my body responded, but had forgotten the details. What a relief going about the morning's activities. Pouring cereal, slicing a banana packing a school lunch. I don't always do those things and it's nice to have a day off to help out.
Day off? What? I am meeting the vendor who is coming to clean out, disinfect, seal, and lay down new insulation in my attic. The house is over 30 years old and it's time. I know we have unwelcome visitors up there. Explaining to A this morning she asked if we were going to make them a warm place outside to be dry and warm and her mother and I both said, "No!" My heart may have been with her but not my brain. Someday I will probably have a pet rat, they are so smart and friendly, but the vagabonds have to go.
Today is another 'Clean' day, and I will do better than yesterday. Once the Fam had left for their Superbowl party I ate leftovers instead of having the shake I had planned on making. M had cooked bacon, had even asked if that was ok and I said yes. But he left four little pieces out on the counter, and I heard their siren song calling me, calling me, calling me. I made the rational decision that I wasn't in a contest and that I could eat what I wanted. Better to not deprive myself and go off the deep end later in retribution. Of course that led to a small bowl of leftover Chinese food, and finally corn chips dipped in the left over avocado half smashed up with salt and garlic. But it ended there, and I drank all of my water plus the two servings of Clean. And yes, my hands seem more like a big deal now that you know about the Chinese food.
Time to drink my Clean. I love that the first ingredient is Aronia berry, and that I am giving my immune system a flood of antioxidants. Once that is done I am prepping for the appointment, then while they are working I will be throwing away all of the leftovers from the fridge having garnered permission from my daughter last night.
One last item to catch up on since I haven't been writing. R is expecting my first grandson in April. We are all so happy and excited, and getting our home ready to welcome him is such good motivation for accomplishing tasks. He is also another reason for starting this program - I am soon to need more energy and flexibility and strength! Not that A doesn't need that too, but I had become complacent in my 'disability'. Old before my time because I was hiding from the world. This may just be another manic episode, but my outlook this morning is still positive and forward looking. Something happened this year; I'm not sure what, but I'm praying it lasts.
Sunday, February 5, 2017
Orenda CBS: Day One
This past month has been long hours spent at work, water seeping back into the corner of the living room warping the new laminate, and the continuing thinning and rearranging of everything in my bedroom. Crazy but calm, and this past week I found myself desiring change. At work, moving offices and seeing myself reflected over and over in the dark windows of the office complex, I saw a hulking shadow of the woman I once was, and it pricked and poked at my awareness until a glimmer of want wormed it's way in to my psyche.
So I turned to Orenda, feeling that this time I was in the right frame of mind to receive the help I need. I ordered the 30 day pack of their CBS (Clean, Burn, Shape) cleansing and weight loss program. Packed with nutrition and support for really 'cleaning house' I knew it was what I needed and now it is sitting here on my desk as I type away.
I am currently without printer so I scribbled down the first ten days of the CBS plan on a piece of notebook paper last night once my box had arrived, and this morning I measured out my water. Half my body weight in ounces is a bit daunting, but I've added a bit of sparkling lemon or lime to each water bottle so it will go down easier. I also have a carafe of ginger water steeping to heat up later for a change.
I've added the burn capsules to my morning vitamin dispenser along with my Orenda vitamins and I have a pretty little container to keep more burn in my desk at work to take midday Monday thru Friday. Today I will do a little shopping so I can make a yummy bean soup filled with veg and greens to take for lunches or dinners this week, and the cleanest almond milk I can find to mix up my Shape shakes. (I chose vanilla so I have the option to add cocoa powder if the mood arises.)
I have a short list of ideas for meals this week from the website (Taco salad Tuesday, carrot soup, black eyed pea soup, 3 bean salad and white bean soup) all of which I would normally make when eating for nutrition. As I obviously need to do again, maybe even desperately so. I think I'll go the pre-made salad route this week too (kale & Brussels sprouts) to help transition to preparing food again.
Mornings this past year have been ever more....challenging. Too much take out, too many desserts and fast food means swollen and uncooperative hands, and I am looking forward to the fast results I will see over the next ten days. I was pleased this morning to get on the scale and see that I am down from my all time high after the recent holiday season - 242.5 I think - and I'm looking forward to seeing what the new number is on the morning of...2/15 (yes I was counting on my fingers because my crazy brain still does not trust my organic math.)
"And I'm feeling good!"
Day 1: 239.4
So I turned to Orenda, feeling that this time I was in the right frame of mind to receive the help I need. I ordered the 30 day pack of their CBS (Clean, Burn, Shape) cleansing and weight loss program. Packed with nutrition and support for really 'cleaning house' I knew it was what I needed and now it is sitting here on my desk as I type away.
I am currently without printer so I scribbled down the first ten days of the CBS plan on a piece of notebook paper last night once my box had arrived, and this morning I measured out my water. Half my body weight in ounces is a bit daunting, but I've added a bit of sparkling lemon or lime to each water bottle so it will go down easier. I also have a carafe of ginger water steeping to heat up later for a change.
I've added the burn capsules to my morning vitamin dispenser along with my Orenda vitamins and I have a pretty little container to keep more burn in my desk at work to take midday Monday thru Friday. Today I will do a little shopping so I can make a yummy bean soup filled with veg and greens to take for lunches or dinners this week, and the cleanest almond milk I can find to mix up my Shape shakes. (I chose vanilla so I have the option to add cocoa powder if the mood arises.)
I have a short list of ideas for meals this week from the website (Taco salad Tuesday, carrot soup, black eyed pea soup, 3 bean salad and white bean soup) all of which I would normally make when eating for nutrition. As I obviously need to do again, maybe even desperately so. I think I'll go the pre-made salad route this week too (kale & Brussels sprouts) to help transition to preparing food again.
Mornings this past year have been ever more....challenging. Too much take out, too many desserts and fast food means swollen and uncooperative hands, and I am looking forward to the fast results I will see over the next ten days. I was pleased this morning to get on the scale and see that I am down from my all time high after the recent holiday season - 242.5 I think - and I'm looking forward to seeing what the new number is on the morning of...2/15 (yes I was counting on my fingers because my crazy brain still does not trust my organic math.)
"And I'm feeling good!"
Day 1: 239.4
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Five Day Juice Fast: Day Five
Rushed for time this morning I blended up a smoothie rather than juicing, and I will juice for dinner.
Smoothie: Coconut water, kale, pineapple, turmeric root
Not the luscious smoothie I had anticipated as I am picking up the coconut milk at lunch and didn't have any this morning. I was also so rushed I didn't look up the recipe and just quickly threw it together from memory. The taste is nice with a pineapple finish, but my blender doesn't grind the kale enough so it's full of bits - which I don't enjoy so much.
But here I am in the middle of day five with only a few minor slips - spectacular performance for me! My plan is to keep juicing for a couple of meals each day and having a smoothie, soup or salad for the third meal, keeping it flexible depending on my time, how tired my back is at that particular moment and what I have available to use.
Off to shop, I see a chocolate, mint & coconut shake in my future. The Shape Shake from Orenda's CBS plan will be an awesome addition to this plan. Pea protein rocks!
Friday, July 18, 2014
Juicing for 60: days thirteen - eighteen
Well a week just disappeared. Vanished. I have not been juicing regularly, have been more tired than usual, and watching more TV; then early this morning I had a vertigo attack. I am wondering if the tiredness was a precursor to the spinning. I did manage to make it swimming with A yesterday and work on a small art project with her afterwards.
It's Friday, thank heavens, and I have a Shape shake mixed, packed and ready to go with me to work IF I am stable over the next half hour as I have been since waking the 2nd time today.
Plan:
NO Salt or Sugar
PLENTY of water
JUICE all weekend
EXTRA Immune
Cucumber, baby kale leaves, green apple and a small lemon juiced then added 3/4 scoop chocolate Shape. YUM!
I WILL take care of myself, I WILL feel better.
It's Friday, thank heavens, and I have a Shape shake mixed, packed and ready to go with me to work IF I am stable over the next half hour as I have been since waking the 2nd time today.
Plan:
NO Salt or Sugar
PLENTY of water
JUICE all weekend
EXTRA Immune
Cucumber, baby kale leaves, green apple and a small lemon juiced then added 3/4 scoop chocolate Shape. YUM!
I WILL take care of myself, I WILL feel better.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Unpacking Christmas
Yesterday we drove down to Lowes and returned home with a Nobel Fir tied to the top of my car. A little furniture rearranging with an end table and doll house ending stacked up in the garage, a spot of vacuuming and a corner was emptied so we could fill it with the lovely fragrance of pine. For me Christmas trees have very little to do with the presents that may or may not appear under them; I relate to the more time honoured tradition of bringing in something green and fresh into the winter den to remind us of the spring we hope is just around the corner and to cover up the stale air of a house barricaded against the seasonal cold. More cold than usual I might add - keeping in tune with the new global weather adjustment even sunny California has tightened her skirts against the below freezing nights and the crisp days that hover in the 40's.
Several trips to the garage and back, unpacking just a few things from each tub so as to leave room for the decorations of my housemates, it's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.
Yesterday, we also made turkey stock and I used my portion to whip up some vegetable soup this morning, now packed into containers for lunches next week I am assured of a healthy choice even when tired. This may be the last turkey I ever eat. I have been sliding into old flesh eating habits of late just because it is often easier, but I am done. Eating plants is an important part of fighting for myself, and since I have apparently decided to do that my eating habits must follow suit.
Today's agenda, bring Christmas to my room now that we have welcomed it into the front of the house. 'A' has been painting water colour trees and we will put them with the rest of the collection on the walls today. Oh the wonders that paper and tape can bring.
My brunch is a smoothie of baby power greens, almond milk, flax meal, blueberries and a scoop of Orenda Shape. Very delicious. I drank water and tea this morning, got busy making my soup, and waited to eat until I actually felt hungry. An exercise in connecting mind to body.
Struggling a little with vertigo so slow and steady is the pace today, but I will accomplish much. Already the stove top has been scrubbed and the second load of laundry is in. Chores ground me, help me to feel solid in this crazy world, and I always feel better afterwards.
I love a clean nest.
Several trips to the garage and back, unpacking just a few things from each tub so as to leave room for the decorations of my housemates, it's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.
Yesterday, we also made turkey stock and I used my portion to whip up some vegetable soup this morning, now packed into containers for lunches next week I am assured of a healthy choice even when tired. This may be the last turkey I ever eat. I have been sliding into old flesh eating habits of late just because it is often easier, but I am done. Eating plants is an important part of fighting for myself, and since I have apparently decided to do that my eating habits must follow suit.
Today's agenda, bring Christmas to my room now that we have welcomed it into the front of the house. 'A' has been painting water colour trees and we will put them with the rest of the collection on the walls today. Oh the wonders that paper and tape can bring.
My brunch is a smoothie of baby power greens, almond milk, flax meal, blueberries and a scoop of Orenda Shape. Very delicious. I drank water and tea this morning, got busy making my soup, and waited to eat until I actually felt hungry. An exercise in connecting mind to body.
Struggling a little with vertigo so slow and steady is the pace today, but I will accomplish much. Already the stove top has been scrubbed and the second load of laundry is in. Chores ground me, help me to feel solid in this crazy world, and I always feel better afterwards.
I love a clean nest.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Balance piece
There is nothing like the warm hug of a child fresh out of bed, still heavy with sleep and reeking of innocence, love, and trust. How blessed I am. The despair of yesterday morning is a thing of the past and I am ready for a long productive weekend.
This morning I will make some juice; grapefruit, carrot, blueberries, cucumber, lemon, bok choy and ginger. My goal is twofold; for it to be delicious on the tongue of a four year old so she will load up on antioxidants and support the recovery of her snuffly nose and to give my body extra incentive to fight off said sniffles.
Honey Do List
Defrost the freezer
Walk and brush the dog
Organize bookshelf and move office supplies to garage
Move old TV cabinet to garage and straighten up dining room
That should keep me on my feet.
Breakfast will be juice, Lunch will be more of the same juice but this time blended with Shape, and for Dinner I anticipate some veggie\bean soup from the fridge that needs to be used up. An easy day for dishes and high in nutrients. Win Win.
This morning I will make some juice; grapefruit, carrot, blueberries, cucumber, lemon, bok choy and ginger. My goal is twofold; for it to be delicious on the tongue of a four year old so she will load up on antioxidants and support the recovery of her snuffly nose and to give my body extra incentive to fight off said sniffles.
Honey Do List
Defrost the freezer
Walk and brush the dog
Organize bookshelf and move office supplies to garage
Move old TV cabinet to garage and straighten up dining room
That should keep me on my feet.
Breakfast will be juice, Lunch will be more of the same juice but this time blended with Shape, and for Dinner I anticipate some veggie\bean soup from the fridge that needs to be used up. An easy day for dishes and high in nutrients. Win Win.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Beautimous!
This morning is all about the juice, and what a beautiful site it is. I had purchased the juicer after seeing Fat Sick and Nearly Dead over a year ago and mulling it over. Then of course right after I brought it home Orenda announced the CBS plan and I had to participate. And glad I did, but now I can revisit the whole juicing experience and incorporate that as part of my plan to create a healthier lifestyle. I'm betting this shakes up wonderful with my scoop of Shape for lunch!
Beets, oranges off the tree in back, an inch of ginger, an English cucumber, and a couple dozen big black seedless grapes. Oh so Yum and with the exception of a taste left in the fridge for the girls, packed away in my lunch bag to take to work. I can't begin to describe how rich and silky and delicious this is.
Time to take my treasure and hit the road.
Update: I have to say this is the best Shape shake I have ever had. I added a scoop to my juice at work and shook it up and...wow! Beets and chocolate, a marriage made in heaven.
Time to take my treasure and hit the road.
Update: I have to say this is the best Shape shake I have ever had. I added a scoop to my juice at work and shook it up and...wow! Beets and chocolate, a marriage made in heaven.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 30/30 or100/100 or 1/1
As proof positive I have not been paying attention, my 100 day mark came and went yesterday with only the smallest of blips on my radar. I found myself thinking, "Oh, my hundred days are up, I can stop eating now." There are many things inherently wrong with that thought, but it does speak to my ongoing struggle with goals, deadlines, and mental challenges. Like looking in the mirror, seeing a slimmer version of myself, and immediately upping my calorie intake. I still haven't figured out that part - how is it wrong to look nice - and until I confront that particular demon I would imagine there isn't a plan on earth that will help. It must stem back to being molested as a child when I was endowed early with breasts and hips, but really, I thought I had let that go a long time ago. So what is it then? I love how I feel when I lose a few pounds, and then a few more. Why is it so alarming when I actually 'see' the results? Why the rebound eating? I wish I could just vacuum out my brain and start fresh - wait, isn't that what they call a pre-frontal lobotomy?
Anyway, I am happy to have lost and kept off 15 pounds, and I am still losing and gaining back another 5 so at any given day it may be 20. Each time I realize things are getting snug I become conscientious about using the CBS products and the pounds come right back off. I am hoping this is a transitional stage and that I will continue to lose now that I am free from the self imposed burden of a 100 day challenge. This is why teenage rebellion is so important, if you don't do it then, it rears it's ugly head later. Like in your fifties when you are supposed to be all grown up. Which is a delusional state in and of itself, but that is a conversation for another day. Besides helping me lose weight the plan did help me refocus on whole foods, nutrition, and taking care of myself better; all good things. And I reordered a bottle of Clean so I can continue using it one day a week just because it makes me feel...well, clean! I like feeling lighter in body and mind those days, not to mention the break from cooking.
I hate that I have decided there will always be good and bad days, because I believe thoughts are things and I need to keep working on weeding out the bad thoughts. I am better at it than I used to be so there is progress being made.
In any case, while disappointed that I couldn't focus my attention on the CleanBurnShape program for the full 100 days and can't help but wonder what would have been the result if I had just followed the plan for those days (such a short time in my life. Big Sigh) I am nevertheless feeling good, have more pants that now fit, and am looking forward to incorporating the products into an ongoing nutritious food plan.
Thinking about that, here is how the day is shaping up. We are just back from walking to the golf course coffee shop for a breakfast of sourdough toast and eggs over easy. This morning I blended and reduced some left over bean soup into creamy, rich and delicious re-fried beans to use with the ripe avocados that are hanging out on the kitchen counter for taco salads at lunchtime. Then a Shape shake for dinner with spinach and blueberries, my favorite go to.
As for the week, I'm not making my usual batch of weekend soup, it's time for a freezer purge and to use up all the frozen portions of homemade soups and stoups so those will be lunches or dinners next week depending on my mood. So for now the plan is back to normal, each day having a veggie bean soup, a chopped salad, and a green smoothie. I'll keep adding a scoop of Shape to my smoothies, and incorporate a clean day once during the week. I believe I can still be a smaller size come Thanksgiving, but am setting no specific goal for my monkey brain to fret over.
I really missed swimming last week, so I need to brave the cooler weather and make that happen on an almost daily basis again. Eat healthy, move more. That's the plan. Oh, and quit with the bread already! Jeez Loueez.
Anyway, I am happy to have lost and kept off 15 pounds, and I am still losing and gaining back another 5 so at any given day it may be 20. Each time I realize things are getting snug I become conscientious about using the CBS products and the pounds come right back off. I am hoping this is a transitional stage and that I will continue to lose now that I am free from the self imposed burden of a 100 day challenge. This is why teenage rebellion is so important, if you don't do it then, it rears it's ugly head later. Like in your fifties when you are supposed to be all grown up. Which is a delusional state in and of itself, but that is a conversation for another day. Besides helping me lose weight the plan did help me refocus on whole foods, nutrition, and taking care of myself better; all good things. And I reordered a bottle of Clean so I can continue using it one day a week just because it makes me feel...well, clean! I like feeling lighter in body and mind those days, not to mention the break from cooking.
I hate that I have decided there will always be good and bad days, because I believe thoughts are things and I need to keep working on weeding out the bad thoughts. I am better at it than I used to be so there is progress being made.
In any case, while disappointed that I couldn't focus my attention on the CleanBurnShape program for the full 100 days and can't help but wonder what would have been the result if I had just followed the plan for those days (such a short time in my life. Big Sigh) I am nevertheless feeling good, have more pants that now fit, and am looking forward to incorporating the products into an ongoing nutritious food plan.
Thinking about that, here is how the day is shaping up. We are just back from walking to the golf course coffee shop for a breakfast of sourdough toast and eggs over easy. This morning I blended and reduced some left over bean soup into creamy, rich and delicious re-fried beans to use with the ripe avocados that are hanging out on the kitchen counter for taco salads at lunchtime. Then a Shape shake for dinner with spinach and blueberries, my favorite go to.
As for the week, I'm not making my usual batch of weekend soup, it's time for a freezer purge and to use up all the frozen portions of homemade soups and stoups so those will be lunches or dinners next week depending on my mood. So for now the plan is back to normal, each day having a veggie bean soup, a chopped salad, and a green smoothie. I'll keep adding a scoop of Shape to my smoothies, and incorporate a clean day once during the week. I believe I can still be a smaller size come Thanksgiving, but am setting no specific goal for my monkey brain to fret over.
I really missed swimming last week, so I need to brave the cooler weather and make that happen on an almost daily basis again. Eat healthy, move more. That's the plan. Oh, and quit with the bread already! Jeez Loueez.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 27/30 or 97/100 or 1/1
Well those days flew by! Lets see, Sunday was productive as I spent some much needed time on housekeeping tasks; it felt good to be on my feet and puttering most of the day. While I have been gaming on the computer too much other times I also realize the need for a little escape so am not being too hard on myself about it. It was wonderful to watch A looking forward to our picking up R from the airport, and better yet to watch their reunion late Sunday night. I am so glad my daughter is back home, what a relief to pass back the responsibility of A to her! And last night M arrived back home - the dynamics of the house will change once again. But I am not worried this time, my head is in a better place. Life is what it is and will unfold accordingly - isn't that how I have lived mine up until this point? Right or wrong, good or bad, that's how I walk my particular path.
Yesterday, and Monday also, I have continued to enjoy a mental clearness that has been missing of late, as in the last couple of month. I have been able to win all of the small battles - no fast food or coffee has passed these lips - and recognized them as the small important steps they are. Even with the drama unfolding at work (and being unfriended on Facebook to boot!) I have been good to myself and skipping the treats so often found there.
Speaking of treats, did you know there is such a thing as root beer float day? I was informed of such yesterday and the three of us had small floats for dessert. Fun! And I am a firm believer that a small controlled portion of a treat, shared with family to celebrate something silly, is never a bad thing.
There was even one day recently that I didn't feel like eating; for a compulsive foodie like me this is like a mini vacation and I reveled in feeling hungry but not wanting to eat for a change. What a relief for that small persistent voice to be silenced for a day. And I guess that it is since that day that I have been on my game - making conscious decisions and recognizing the baby steps that will make me feel better. Eating whole foods, not indulging on seconds when I am not hungry, not snacking at night. I'm still incorporating my green Shape shakes into every day, and while I have't had a 'clean' day in longer than I can remember, I do remember every so often to use the Clean a couple of times in a day, mixing up two servings and drinking one at breakfast and the other at work later. I'm a little nervous about running out of the Burn in a few days, but I can always order more so I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
As I think I mentioned on Saturday, it feels so good to be me for a while! Which is a little bit of a scary thought - this recognition that I think of myself as a split personality. I can't say that feeling this way is necessarily abnormal, but I can say I recognize that I like who I am right now, and not so much who I am when I am being driven crazy by the small nagging compulsive voice that comes to visit. Last night is a perfect example. I couldn't sleep, and somewhere in the wee hours of the new day my stomach began to gurgle. I thought, a handful of cashews would calm my stomach and then I could probably sleep. But the answer was immediate and clear - I don't want to eat anything, this is the time my immune system needs to work it's wonders. And that was that. Done deal. No midnight snack and no angst about it. If only I could have felt this way the past two months while using the CBS plan - but no crying over spilt milk, just moving on.
My prayer this morning is to have more days like this, to keep walking on the light side for as long as possible.
Yesterday, and Monday also, I have continued to enjoy a mental clearness that has been missing of late, as in the last couple of month. I have been able to win all of the small battles - no fast food or coffee has passed these lips - and recognized them as the small important steps they are. Even with the drama unfolding at work (and being unfriended on Facebook to boot!) I have been good to myself and skipping the treats so often found there.
Speaking of treats, did you know there is such a thing as root beer float day? I was informed of such yesterday and the three of us had small floats for dessert. Fun! And I am a firm believer that a small controlled portion of a treat, shared with family to celebrate something silly, is never a bad thing.
There was even one day recently that I didn't feel like eating; for a compulsive foodie like me this is like a mini vacation and I reveled in feeling hungry but not wanting to eat for a change. What a relief for that small persistent voice to be silenced for a day. And I guess that it is since that day that I have been on my game - making conscious decisions and recognizing the baby steps that will make me feel better. Eating whole foods, not indulging on seconds when I am not hungry, not snacking at night. I'm still incorporating my green Shape shakes into every day, and while I have't had a 'clean' day in longer than I can remember, I do remember every so often to use the Clean a couple of times in a day, mixing up two servings and drinking one at breakfast and the other at work later. I'm a little nervous about running out of the Burn in a few days, but I can always order more so I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
As I think I mentioned on Saturday, it feels so good to be me for a while! Which is a little bit of a scary thought - this recognition that I think of myself as a split personality. I can't say that feeling this way is necessarily abnormal, but I can say I recognize that I like who I am right now, and not so much who I am when I am being driven crazy by the small nagging compulsive voice that comes to visit. Last night is a perfect example. I couldn't sleep, and somewhere in the wee hours of the new day my stomach began to gurgle. I thought, a handful of cashews would calm my stomach and then I could probably sleep. But the answer was immediate and clear - I don't want to eat anything, this is the time my immune system needs to work it's wonders. And that was that. Done deal. No midnight snack and no angst about it. If only I could have felt this way the past two months while using the CBS plan - but no crying over spilt milk, just moving on.
My prayer this morning is to have more days like this, to keep walking on the light side for as long as possible.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 23/30 or 93/100 or 1/1
Work, play, work, play...needing a little grown up time (given that play time is usually with A) I have planned a road trip to the Paso Robles Macaroni and Cheese festival! H and I will drive down Saturday and then spend the night after indulging ourselves at the festival, Having a nice breakfast somewhere local before driving home on Sunday will complete the date. Also on the agenda is to visit my newly engaged cousin, who will be a vendor at the event with his bride to be whom I have never met. Fun! And three weeks of looking forward to it.
This was such a busy week with having A all to my self and such responsibilities that come inherent to the task; I didn't even realize I wasn't writing until just now. We have had a busy morning; smoothies for breakfast, a massage for me which meant packing up a bag of diversions for A while I was getting worked on, shopping for a birthday present to take to the impending party, and then packing up the required items for the super fun afternoon and evening she has planned. At the party they are swimming, then watching a movie in the back yard in sleeping bags - it doesn't get much more fun than that when you are four and a half. I get to stay home and have a hard cider and watch whatever I want on tv!!
I am easily pleased.
And in a good mood today finally. As always I wonder where this part of me goes, and why I have to disappear at all. Very frustrating. I even put back the loaf of sourdough we had picked up while at the store, knowing one slice is never enough and not wanting to go through yet another loaf of bread. God it feels good to be sane for a change.
I don't want to use my back today, instead I will let my newly stretched muscles enjoy being unknotted so I will blend up some Shape for dinner and give them a rest from chopping veggies. That is one thing the CBS plan has reminded me of, I don't need to always chop up everything. Whole is better for our jaws anyway! Picking up fruits or veggies and eating them with minimal prep is quick and easy too. I've been packing bowls of tomatoes, asparagus, celery, peppers - whatever is handy in the fridge - to eat at work or on the drive home. All so delicious.
4pm, time for a cider and a show, then a quick tour of the kitchen straightening up. I love weekends.
This was such a busy week with having A all to my self and such responsibilities that come inherent to the task; I didn't even realize I wasn't writing until just now. We have had a busy morning; smoothies for breakfast, a massage for me which meant packing up a bag of diversions for A while I was getting worked on, shopping for a birthday present to take to the impending party, and then packing up the required items for the super fun afternoon and evening she has planned. At the party they are swimming, then watching a movie in the back yard in sleeping bags - it doesn't get much more fun than that when you are four and a half. I get to stay home and have a hard cider and watch whatever I want on tv!!
I am easily pleased.
And in a good mood today finally. As always I wonder where this part of me goes, and why I have to disappear at all. Very frustrating. I even put back the loaf of sourdough we had picked up while at the store, knowing one slice is never enough and not wanting to go through yet another loaf of bread. God it feels good to be sane for a change.
I don't want to use my back today, instead I will let my newly stretched muscles enjoy being unknotted so I will blend up some Shape for dinner and give them a rest from chopping veggies. That is one thing the CBS plan has reminded me of, I don't need to always chop up everything. Whole is better for our jaws anyway! Picking up fruits or veggies and eating them with minimal prep is quick and easy too. I've been packing bowls of tomatoes, asparagus, celery, peppers - whatever is handy in the fridge - to eat at work or on the drive home. All so delicious.
4pm, time for a cider and a show, then a quick tour of the kitchen straightening up. I love weekends.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 20/30 or 90/100 or 1/1
Yesterday was go go go. A busied herself with a bowl of cinnamon crunch while I packed up food to take with me; our mornings are easy and filled with accomplishment. Her sense of style is fun to admire; she will be a fashionista!
I left work early and came home to finally finish up my taxes. Done at 4:28 I packed everything up, grabbed some colouring books and her pouch of pencils, scissors and pens for A plus her leap pad, a pair of reading glasses for me, and ran to pick up A from daycare. Swinging by zPizza for a slice of pepperoni and a chocolate milk we headed to H&R block in time for my 5:30 appointment. A was a gem the first hour, and then finally a little whiny as we headed into the last half so I pointed her to the empty office and suggested she run. Which she took to heart tearing laps around the carpeted space. And speaking of her heart she came to ask me to put my hand over hers and I thought it was going to bang it's way right through her chest! Yikes!
Once done we headed home, changed into suits, and drove to the pool. Yes, drove. The wind had picked up, it was after 7pm, and I was exhausted. Despite the guilt for sitting down once again in a day filled with sitting, we drove. I didn't think I would be getting in, the evening having turned cool, but one dip of my right big toe changed my mind and in we both went. It was divine, like a bathtub. We splashed and swam for an hour, half of that time by ourselves, and loved every minute of it. I stretched and trod water and tossed A about to her hearts content before braving the cool air, wrapping ourselves in towels, and heading back home. A was cocooned in blue and white stripes under her car seat straps, a wet but warm bundle of joy.
After a bath and de-ionized (de-chelated?) hair A was ready for gobbling down a big bowl of watermelon while watching this weeks taping of SYTYCD. I joined her in both, loving both the fruit and the dancing, not to mention the company. De-tangling her hair was a breeze as it had been in a braid all day and then sprayed with conditioner once clean; a successful venture that I intend to repeat as many times as she will allow this week!
A quick phone call to chat with R completed the day; it sounds like so far her trip is exhausting but successful. Needless to say we miss her.
Finally at 9:30 I put on my parenting hat and declared it bedtime. She went with minimal fuss, and I turned the TV to Perception and snacked on roasted Brussels sprouts just out of the oven. While it's exhausting just getting all this down, it's a good feeling to have accomplished so much.
I realized there are ten days left of the 100 day CBS plan. I can be glad of the pounds and inches lost, and that the products kept me from gaining weight during what turned out to be a stressful and challenging couple of months. But I did not give it the chance it deserved; such is life, the best laid plans and all that. Seeing the even number of ten I think I want to finish the way I began, with the ten day cleanse, and the mere thought fills me with renewed determination. The fridge is full of veggies and fruit, I have the products - Houston, we're good to go!
I left work early and came home to finally finish up my taxes. Done at 4:28 I packed everything up, grabbed some colouring books and her pouch of pencils, scissors and pens for A plus her leap pad, a pair of reading glasses for me, and ran to pick up A from daycare. Swinging by zPizza for a slice of pepperoni and a chocolate milk we headed to H&R block in time for my 5:30 appointment. A was a gem the first hour, and then finally a little whiny as we headed into the last half so I pointed her to the empty office and suggested she run. Which she took to heart tearing laps around the carpeted space. And speaking of her heart she came to ask me to put my hand over hers and I thought it was going to bang it's way right through her chest! Yikes!
Once done we headed home, changed into suits, and drove to the pool. Yes, drove. The wind had picked up, it was after 7pm, and I was exhausted. Despite the guilt for sitting down once again in a day filled with sitting, we drove. I didn't think I would be getting in, the evening having turned cool, but one dip of my right big toe changed my mind and in we both went. It was divine, like a bathtub. We splashed and swam for an hour, half of that time by ourselves, and loved every minute of it. I stretched and trod water and tossed A about to her hearts content before braving the cool air, wrapping ourselves in towels, and heading back home. A was cocooned in blue and white stripes under her car seat straps, a wet but warm bundle of joy.
After a bath and de-ionized (de-chelated?) hair A was ready for gobbling down a big bowl of watermelon while watching this weeks taping of SYTYCD. I joined her in both, loving both the fruit and the dancing, not to mention the company. De-tangling her hair was a breeze as it had been in a braid all day and then sprayed with conditioner once clean; a successful venture that I intend to repeat as many times as she will allow this week!
A quick phone call to chat with R completed the day; it sounds like so far her trip is exhausting but successful. Needless to say we miss her.
Finally at 9:30 I put on my parenting hat and declared it bedtime. She went with minimal fuss, and I turned the TV to Perception and snacked on roasted Brussels sprouts just out of the oven. While it's exhausting just getting all this down, it's a good feeling to have accomplished so much.
I realized there are ten days left of the 100 day CBS plan. I can be glad of the pounds and inches lost, and that the products kept me from gaining weight during what turned out to be a stressful and challenging couple of months. But I did not give it the chance it deserved; such is life, the best laid plans and all that. Seeing the even number of ten I think I want to finish the way I began, with the ten day cleanse, and the mere thought fills me with renewed determination. The fridge is full of veggies and fruit, I have the products - Houston, we're good to go!
Monday, July 29, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 18/30 or 89/100 or 1/1
So yesterday did not go as planned. I felt like every speck of energy had been sucked right out of me, and small headaches came and went. I napped, A did not, and still no energy. This morning it occurs to me I felt much as R did the day before; maybe there was a small bug we were fighting off in turns? We had buttered slices of sourdough and perfectly ripe peaches for dinner, so delicious.
This morning is much better. A is dressed and fed on a bowl of life and fresh strawberries, I am dressed and my breakfast of grapes and a peach is packed for the drive in to work. Grape tomatoes, asparagus tops and a Shape shake are packed in my cooler for lunch. And while neither one of us wants to be on our way, it is what it is. Perhaps I will take one day off this week so we can goof off and make up for yesterday's lethargy.
I am determined to have a good week, and feed myself correctly so I have the energy this little child deserves. And we are going to put her hair up in a ponytail tonight to see if it helps with morning tangles. Poor us.
Time to brush the little white soldiers and take off for the day. Or teefies as A says :)
This morning is much better. A is dressed and fed on a bowl of life and fresh strawberries, I am dressed and my breakfast of grapes and a peach is packed for the drive in to work. Grape tomatoes, asparagus tops and a Shape shake are packed in my cooler for lunch. And while neither one of us wants to be on our way, it is what it is. Perhaps I will take one day off this week so we can goof off and make up for yesterday's lethargy.
I am determined to have a good week, and feed myself correctly so I have the energy this little child deserves. And we are going to put her hair up in a ponytail tonight to see if it helps with morning tangles. Poor us.
Time to brush the little white soldiers and take off for the day. Or teefies as A says :)
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 17/30 or 88/100 or 1/1
Dropped R at the airport this morning just before 5am, then A and I came back and slept another hour and a half before rising at 7. We have made a grocery list, been to two stores (making sure to visit every living thing at the pet store before leaving) and come home to a snack of graham crackers and cheese. Think deconstructed cheesecake - our treat for missing R.) We are now discussing the merits of swimming before or after her nap, and while I am bigger, she is outweighing me in the determination department. But I need a nap too so we will go later this afternoon. R reminded me to NOT negotiate with A and that is the plan.
We picked up all the basics, a couple of 'natural' fast food options and a bag of bean and cheese burritos in case of an emergency. If nothing else probably M can polish those off.
So far today we have learned that A can open the car door from the outside all by herself if she puts some oomph into it, and that when given the choice will pick a brownie bite over a cookie and strawberry milk over chocolate milk.
The plan for me today is to organize the fridge, see if there is anything besides the kale that needs to be used up right away and make a batch of soup. This means the bean soup from last weekend will be processed into re-fried beans (we need a different name for these) and frozen in batches to make room for the new soup. A shape shake for lunch and the leftover Chinese food (mostly veggies) from yesterday for dinner should round out the food part of the day for me. A has requested leftover chowmein for her dinner, and a sunflower seed butter sandwich with sliced strawberries and bananas for lunch.
Yyyyyyaaaaawwwwnnnnn....is it nap time yet?
We picked up all the basics, a couple of 'natural' fast food options and a bag of bean and cheese burritos in case of an emergency. If nothing else probably M can polish those off.
So far today we have learned that A can open the car door from the outside all by herself if she puts some oomph into it, and that when given the choice will pick a brownie bite over a cookie and strawberry milk over chocolate milk.
The plan for me today is to organize the fridge, see if there is anything besides the kale that needs to be used up right away and make a batch of soup. This means the bean soup from last weekend will be processed into re-fried beans (we need a different name for these) and frozen in batches to make room for the new soup. A shape shake for lunch and the leftover Chinese food (mostly veggies) from yesterday for dinner should round out the food part of the day for me. A has requested leftover chowmein for her dinner, and a sunflower seed butter sandwich with sliced strawberries and bananas for lunch.
Yyyyyyaaaaawwwwnnnnn....is it nap time yet?
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 16/30 or 87/100 or 1/1
Another day of writing missed. First I was up too early and 'farming' on the computer before 4am, then off to work early after a co-worker texted in sick. What a long day, which included a buttermilk doughnut, then the drive home munching on asparagus and grape tomatoes. Finally home to bean soup and a black bean burger and tomato sandwich for dinner in front of my old friend the boob tube. When I don't have green smoothies my energy level plummets; I know better, why can I not treat myself in the best possible way so that I enjoy the benefits? In my defense I did use my green coffee bean Burn capsules, drink my water, and eat my veggies.
So after that little whine you will love what we made for breakfast this morning.
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Blueberry Crisp made with almond flour, maple syrup, cinnamon and rolled oats, bound with coconut oil for the fat and after baking we added a limey drizzle for the top ( since I forgot the zest on the bottom.) A perfect weekend morning; cooking with A and puttering in the kitchen.
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Today is the dreaded furniture moving day, which would be fine if it didn't include moving all the wires for the TV, Stereo, U-verse box and Wii. Wireless entertainment is now mentally added to the lottery winner's list! Which finally brings me to the thought of the morning. After being a little bit snippy with A for the third time in a row this morning I realized I was pre-stressing about our week together. Crazy! We will have a great time, I will be my normal sweet self, and tap into all the muchness I can to ensure A is a happy camper along with same said self.
Now, that off my mind I am back to my new Neil Gaiman audio book (which he is narrating and doing it wonderfully of course) and to my chores. Good Grief (or as I said, Oh Crap!) I just made her cry - she must also be living the stress of her mother being gone before it happens. I need to turn this around!!
And OMG it's almost ten and I'm not ready for my drive to Lodi - after dragging by minute by minute yesterday, today time is flying past at an alarming rate. I go.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 14/30 or 85/100 or 1/1
Where to begin. While tempted to record the ups and downs of yesterday's trip to Napa, the experience left me..drained? And I will only jot down a few notes. It was even a little cathartic after living through the initial horror of realizing I was surrounded by family who looked like my ex and our son. That is what Jim would have looked like at 80, that is what Joey could have looked like at 30. My intentions in going were pure, to show respect for Betty and to support R. I forgot I hadn't seen this side of the family since Joeys memorial, talk about a mental block, and wasn't anticipating the strong reaction I experienced. I also hadn't expected a Catholic service; at least the church was beautiful and it gave me a new perspective from which to think about some of the family. But I was overcome with emotion, and felt like a skinned cat upon leaving. I will say that the two granddaughters who spoke nailed it; Betty made you feel loved, and like you had her attention - the joy she lived with was genuine and she shared it with us all.
Once back at B's (outlaw sis) in their beautifully remodeled home with a glass of red at hand and busy getting trays of food out I was okay. Then after weeping a little more with family and getting caught up I did feel better. The sweet ladies in their 90's who mentioned I hadn't changed a bit, well that was much appreciated and I soaked it up. And seeing the cousins together all grown up was a treat. How I wished for just a moment that everything could have been different; that Joey and Jim were there, that they were happy productive souls, that M could have been there with R, that drugs and alcohol hadn't been such a destructive force in our lives. But I have learned not to second guess life, and it was just a fleeting thought, not anything to dwell over.
Thank heavens R was driving us home, the wine hit me hard. I did indulge in several skinny slices of french baguette, each topped with a slice of peppered salami and a smear of Gorgonzola -So Delicious! A handful of kettle chips and one peanut butter cookie completed my repast. Once home we did make it to the pool, and had a fun time with A - everyday with her at the pool reminds me of how important fun and courage are in equal measure. Back at the house we had salads for dinner, and after dozing off several times in front of the TV I gave it up and headed to bed at 8pm. And slept. And slept. And slept some more! Rolling out of bed at 7:10 this morning I barely made it to work on time at 8. Emotions can be more exhausting than any physical labours, no?
Upon arising this morning I did notice that there was a new calm present in my demeanor despite my rushing about, and I realized that I really had needed yesterday; to see family, to grieve, to hug and be hugged. Feeling lighter I stepped on the scale before dressing and was delighted to see that the five pounds I had regained over the past month were gone and I was back on track. Which probably led to my crazy lunch. I had rushed out of the house so fast this morning I didn't pack any food. I spent lunch time at Harvest Farms picking up fruit and veggies and yes, the jalapeno chips I a had for lunch were an impulse buy at the counter. In my defense I also polished off four stalks of celery at my desk to finish up the urge to crunch, and then half an apple on the way home.
Dinner will be a shake since I didn't have one at lunch, and it's hot so I imagine we will be going to the pool again once A is home. It is a testament to how crazy I have been that I was able to go so many years without swimming and the pool just a short walk down the street the whole time. Just Insane.
Time to get busy; a child to pick up, a shake to blend, swimming to do, and finally the Thursday ritual of taking out the garbage. Life does have a tendency to go on when one is still breathing, like it or not. And mostly lately, I like it.
Update: I almost forgot two random awesome events. Not that they were awesome in and of themselves, but because it was so crazy to see how fast the universe can respond. R was backing out of our parking space at Trader Joe's where we had stopped on the way home from Napa and mentioned how dangerous the parking lot was there. Immediately a car backed into us! No harm no foul, but hilarious. Then later when we were at the pool A and I were showing her how A floats on her back to watch the migration of sea gulls as they make their daily trek from the dump in the foothills out to the coast. R said aren't you afraid of what might fall on you? Immediately a big white splat hit the cement not three feet from her. Amazing. Ask and you shall receive; the universe does not hear 'no'.
Once back at B's (outlaw sis) in their beautifully remodeled home with a glass of red at hand and busy getting trays of food out I was okay. Then after weeping a little more with family and getting caught up I did feel better. The sweet ladies in their 90's who mentioned I hadn't changed a bit, well that was much appreciated and I soaked it up. And seeing the cousins together all grown up was a treat. How I wished for just a moment that everything could have been different; that Joey and Jim were there, that they were happy productive souls, that M could have been there with R, that drugs and alcohol hadn't been such a destructive force in our lives. But I have learned not to second guess life, and it was just a fleeting thought, not anything to dwell over.
Thank heavens R was driving us home, the wine hit me hard. I did indulge in several skinny slices of french baguette, each topped with a slice of peppered salami and a smear of Gorgonzola -So Delicious! A handful of kettle chips and one peanut butter cookie completed my repast. Once home we did make it to the pool, and had a fun time with A - everyday with her at the pool reminds me of how important fun and courage are in equal measure. Back at the house we had salads for dinner, and after dozing off several times in front of the TV I gave it up and headed to bed at 8pm. And slept. And slept. And slept some more! Rolling out of bed at 7:10 this morning I barely made it to work on time at 8. Emotions can be more exhausting than any physical labours, no?
Upon arising this morning I did notice that there was a new calm present in my demeanor despite my rushing about, and I realized that I really had needed yesterday; to see family, to grieve, to hug and be hugged. Feeling lighter I stepped on the scale before dressing and was delighted to see that the five pounds I had regained over the past month were gone and I was back on track. Which probably led to my crazy lunch. I had rushed out of the house so fast this morning I didn't pack any food. I spent lunch time at Harvest Farms picking up fruit and veggies and yes, the jalapeno chips I a had for lunch were an impulse buy at the counter. In my defense I also polished off four stalks of celery at my desk to finish up the urge to crunch, and then half an apple on the way home.
Dinner will be a shake since I didn't have one at lunch, and it's hot so I imagine we will be going to the pool again once A is home. It is a testament to how crazy I have been that I was able to go so many years without swimming and the pool just a short walk down the street the whole time. Just Insane.
Time to get busy; a child to pick up, a shake to blend, swimming to do, and finally the Thursday ritual of taking out the garbage. Life does have a tendency to go on when one is still breathing, like it or not. And mostly lately, I like it.
Update: I almost forgot two random awesome events. Not that they were awesome in and of themselves, but because it was so crazy to see how fast the universe can respond. R was backing out of our parking space at Trader Joe's where we had stopped on the way home from Napa and mentioned how dangerous the parking lot was there. Immediately a car backed into us! No harm no foul, but hilarious. Then later when we were at the pool A and I were showing her how A floats on her back to watch the migration of sea gulls as they make their daily trek from the dump in the foothills out to the coast. R said aren't you afraid of what might fall on you? Immediately a big white splat hit the cement not three feet from her. Amazing. Ask and you shall receive; the universe does not hear 'no'.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 13/30 or 84/100 or 1/1
Yesterday was a good day, despite a little drama at work. I worked through lunch, left early drinking my shake on the way home, picked up A early and we hit the pool. It was overcast and a little muggy which meant we were the only ones there! A barley wore her vest and for the first time ever swam the width of the pool by herself; not once, not twice, but FIVE TIMES! So proud of our little mermaid. Later in the evening once R was home she had the laptop work had given her for a business trip and she plugged in the flash drive I had given her last Christmas of all the pics of A off my computer - there was a wonderful video I had shot of her when she was..two? less? Anyway, there she was splashing in the birdbath and giggling away; it was fun to see that we had been playing in water together her whole life. I so admire her fearlessness, and love how tired and hungry she is when we get home.
I did have a small bowl of the homemade mac n cheese I had made her for dinner (it had steamed orange cauliflower hidden in it) and then had my spicy bean soup. So good.
Today we head up to Napa for memorial services, so no work. Also no wine tasting. Speaking of which I will get to see the grapes that are ripening in the vineyard at H's on Saturday and I'm really looking forward to that. What I am not looking forward to is moving more furniture and figuring out where to put things. Oh well, at least I will be up on my feet and moving. Which reminds me I wanted to do some chores before the heat descends.
Hopefully we will make it back to the pool this evening, but if not we have mint in the fridge and rum in the cupboard to welcome us home from what will no doubt be an emotionally exhausting day. I think I'll pack my Balance spray....
I did have a small bowl of the homemade mac n cheese I had made her for dinner (it had steamed orange cauliflower hidden in it) and then had my spicy bean soup. So good.
Today we head up to Napa for memorial services, so no work. Also no wine tasting. Speaking of which I will get to see the grapes that are ripening in the vineyard at H's on Saturday and I'm really looking forward to that. What I am not looking forward to is moving more furniture and figuring out where to put things. Oh well, at least I will be up on my feet and moving. Which reminds me I wanted to do some chores before the heat descends.
Hopefully we will make it back to the pool this evening, but if not we have mint in the fridge and rum in the cupboard to welcome us home from what will no doubt be an emotionally exhausting day. I think I'll pack my Balance spray....
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 12/30 or 83/100 or 1/1
To some I could say, 'well, it was Monday, you know', and they would totally just get it without further explanation or having to dredge up the tedious details of what that meant exactly. But quite a while ago I read that we spend a seventh of our lives on Monday, and I have previously posed that it would be a shame to harbour hard feelings for such a large fraction of our lives. That being said, yesterday was not so awful; it was just NOT the weekend anymore and there is always a touch of sadness about that state of affairs despite my aforementioned resolve concerning Mondays.
We finished off the delicious beans and the last of the flour tortillas for dinner last night, then mini chocolate caramel ice cream bars for desert. I think it is obvious I have forgotten I am at the tail end of 100 days on the CBS plan, or have reverted back into the lazy uncaring attitude of a loser - big giant L blazing on my forehead right now. I am still using the products, and despite my indiscretionary eating at least not gaining weight. For my latest excuse I bring forward the demise of my erstwhile mother in law, and I would like to take a moment to hold her up to the light.
Betty welcomed me into her large family with open arms when I married her son, and likewise the children that followed despite already having a plethora of grandchildren. I first met her as my Boss when a mutual friend knew she needed a bartender and I needed a job to tide me over while going to real estate school. I had recently exited a ...difficult relationship...and was determined to forge a new career sans men. I was hired, and two weeks later while walking into work my eyes met those of her son who was just back from a trip to Arizona with his girlfriend. Of course at the time I didn't know who he was, just that it was love at first sight. And to be clear, after years of thinking this through over and over, I wouldn't go back and change a thing no matter what was to follow (Drugs, Divorce, Death) But I digress. I ended up working for and with my MIL on and off for about...twenty years? More? She taught me the valuable axiom of 'waste not want not', and showed me how to be a 'working' manager; skills I have carried with me through my life and still practice to this day. She made me a better person, and Tuesday became a very sad day upon learning of her passing. I regret the times I did not go to visit after her son and I divorced, it was nothing less than shameful. But I had moved on, had a new career, a new Beau, a new hobby. For the first time in years I was actively engaged in having fun and visiting her would undoubtedly be about dredging up the past. Later I was simply scared; she too lost a son, more than once, and that was a grief too deep to share. I hope R is right, I hope she is with her boys.
So tomorrow we drive up to Napa to say our farewells and mingle with Rhiannon's cousins and my outlaws for the afternoon. I can't say that I am looking forward to it, but she deserves the respect our attendance signifies, and there will be many there that I love and miss.
One more tiny rant. I am driving up to see H on Saturday to pick up some furniture. He suggested I drive up in the morning, have lunch, then we drive back bringing the credenza and coffee table with us. I think it is relevant I was not invited up to spend Friday evening, and here I am once again letting my heart get a little broken and I am begging the powers that be to release this man once and all from my affections. Or something like that. Why can't I just be his friend and enjoy that much of him. Why this prolonged torture I subject myself to for no good reason.
Thinking about my life is just exhausting this morning. Maybe a shower will make things right, or at least a little better. I can only hope.
We finished off the delicious beans and the last of the flour tortillas for dinner last night, then mini chocolate caramel ice cream bars for desert. I think it is obvious I have forgotten I am at the tail end of 100 days on the CBS plan, or have reverted back into the lazy uncaring attitude of a loser - big giant L blazing on my forehead right now. I am still using the products, and despite my indiscretionary eating at least not gaining weight. For my latest excuse I bring forward the demise of my erstwhile mother in law, and I would like to take a moment to hold her up to the light.
Betty welcomed me into her large family with open arms when I married her son, and likewise the children that followed despite already having a plethora of grandchildren. I first met her as my Boss when a mutual friend knew she needed a bartender and I needed a job to tide me over while going to real estate school. I had recently exited a ...difficult relationship...and was determined to forge a new career sans men. I was hired, and two weeks later while walking into work my eyes met those of her son who was just back from a trip to Arizona with his girlfriend. Of course at the time I didn't know who he was, just that it was love at first sight. And to be clear, after years of thinking this through over and over, I wouldn't go back and change a thing no matter what was to follow (Drugs, Divorce, Death) But I digress. I ended up working for and with my MIL on and off for about...twenty years? More? She taught me the valuable axiom of 'waste not want not', and showed me how to be a 'working' manager; skills I have carried with me through my life and still practice to this day. She made me a better person, and Tuesday became a very sad day upon learning of her passing. I regret the times I did not go to visit after her son and I divorced, it was nothing less than shameful. But I had moved on, had a new career, a new Beau, a new hobby. For the first time in years I was actively engaged in having fun and visiting her would undoubtedly be about dredging up the past. Later I was simply scared; she too lost a son, more than once, and that was a grief too deep to share. I hope R is right, I hope she is with her boys.
So tomorrow we drive up to Napa to say our farewells and mingle with Rhiannon's cousins and my outlaws for the afternoon. I can't say that I am looking forward to it, but she deserves the respect our attendance signifies, and there will be many there that I love and miss.
One more tiny rant. I am driving up to see H on Saturday to pick up some furniture. He suggested I drive up in the morning, have lunch, then we drive back bringing the credenza and coffee table with us. I think it is relevant I was not invited up to spend Friday evening, and here I am once again letting my heart get a little broken and I am begging the powers that be to release this man once and all from my affections. Or something like that. Why can't I just be his friend and enjoy that much of him. Why this prolonged torture I subject myself to for no good reason.
Thinking about my life is just exhausting this morning. Maybe a shower will make things right, or at least a little better. I can only hope.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 10/30 or 81/100 or 1/1
I am currently listening to Mary Poppins by P.L. Travers, and I would like to give a shout out to my friend, who for arguments sake I shall call Poodle, for both the trip down memory lane (remembering my mother's voice reading to me about gluing stars in the sky) and for reminding me there are more books about Mary that I need to share with my granddaughter. Upon hearing I was excited about the upcoming Disney movie, Saving Mr. Banks, Poodle had voiced her incredulity that I could do any such thing after the travesty Disney had made of Mary Poppins. This led me to first download the audio book and then this morning to google Travers (above.)
I am only on chapter 8, but I know already there is nothing here that can diminish my love of the Disney movie - for me it was 'practically perfect in every way' and remains so. Perhaps as it's own work of art removed from the book, as most good movies are, but nevertheless, something I will always love with good regard. So yes, I am still looking forward to the new movie, but it will now be seasoned with a healthy grain of salt and I will enjoy it from the perspective of the media in which it was born. I can only hope it is something Miss Travers would have appreciated. Having been reminded of her as an author my curiosity has now been piqued about her other writings, and about her life which seems to be rich with wonderful details of which I was formerly unaware. I see many hours of reveling in her words in my near future; I wonder if any others have been produced as audio books - I will have to make the digital library my next stop.
On to food! Last night I soaked a bag of dried black beans and the water I poured off this morning was a wonderful rich blue leading me to wonder about natural colours and why this wasn't used instead of artificial blue number 1. But I digress...putting the beans on to cook in fresh water in a large pot, I then caramelized a large red onion in my saute pan with a scoop of coconut oil and ground cumin. While they were bubbling away I chopped up red bell peppers and crisp curly kale leaves and set them aside to stir in to the crock pot once the beans and onions were ready. Wanting more greens I added in the rest of the beet tops I had been using in my smoothies last week to the pan of onions with some of the water from the beans and a package of Chipotle seasoning. Once the timer dinged I poured everything into the crock pot and stirred. Still not happy with the bean to veggie ratio I stirred in the last three inches left in the bottom of a bag of broccoli slaw and then it was gorgeous. Now the question becomes, do we splurge and cook some of the soup down to a rich thickness and add some jack cheese and flour tortillas for an incredibly sumptuous dinner, or have healthy bowls of bean soup to end the week. I never know until the time comes, but in any case I will have enough leftovers for several nutritious dinners and that always makes me feel like I have not wasted the weekend.
And the dogs are rushing the door; the girls must be home from their errands signaling an end to this blessed quiet. Hopefully we will take the walk we planned this morning, then an hour or so in the pool before A goes down for a nap. How I love the contrast between storm and quiet that our little 'unguided missile' provides.
And how happy I am that this is still Sunday, despite the fact H and I never firmed up plans to do something together this weekend which makes me a little sad. And the girls are knocking on my window to show off the new bubble wands. I am off!
Update: Burritos won. Slices of avocado, real Jack cheese, homemade pico de gallo and refried beans with shredded lettuce on top - So delicious!
I am only on chapter 8, but I know already there is nothing here that can diminish my love of the Disney movie - for me it was 'practically perfect in every way' and remains so. Perhaps as it's own work of art removed from the book, as most good movies are, but nevertheless, something I will always love with good regard. So yes, I am still looking forward to the new movie, but it will now be seasoned with a healthy grain of salt and I will enjoy it from the perspective of the media in which it was born. I can only hope it is something Miss Travers would have appreciated. Having been reminded of her as an author my curiosity has now been piqued about her other writings, and about her life which seems to be rich with wonderful details of which I was formerly unaware. I see many hours of reveling in her words in my near future; I wonder if any others have been produced as audio books - I will have to make the digital library my next stop.
On to food! Last night I soaked a bag of dried black beans and the water I poured off this morning was a wonderful rich blue leading me to wonder about natural colours and why this wasn't used instead of artificial blue number 1. But I digress...putting the beans on to cook in fresh water in a large pot, I then caramelized a large red onion in my saute pan with a scoop of coconut oil and ground cumin. While they were bubbling away I chopped up red bell peppers and crisp curly kale leaves and set them aside to stir in to the crock pot once the beans and onions were ready. Wanting more greens I added in the rest of the beet tops I had been using in my smoothies last week to the pan of onions with some of the water from the beans and a package of Chipotle seasoning. Once the timer dinged I poured everything into the crock pot and stirred. Still not happy with the bean to veggie ratio I stirred in the last three inches left in the bottom of a bag of broccoli slaw and then it was gorgeous. Now the question becomes, do we splurge and cook some of the soup down to a rich thickness and add some jack cheese and flour tortillas for an incredibly sumptuous dinner, or have healthy bowls of bean soup to end the week. I never know until the time comes, but in any case I will have enough leftovers for several nutritious dinners and that always makes me feel like I have not wasted the weekend.
And the dogs are rushing the door; the girls must be home from their errands signaling an end to this blessed quiet. Hopefully we will take the walk we planned this morning, then an hour or so in the pool before A goes down for a nap. How I love the contrast between storm and quiet that our little 'unguided missile' provides.
And how happy I am that this is still Sunday, despite the fact H and I never firmed up plans to do something together this weekend which makes me a little sad. And the girls are knocking on my window to show off the new bubble wands. I am off!
Update: Burritos won. Slices of avocado, real Jack cheese, homemade pico de gallo and refried beans with shredded lettuce on top - So delicious!
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 9/30 or 80/100 or 1/1
Wow, I didn't write all week. I think instead I rediscovered the link between pain and eating, and how easily I can disappear into the addiction of online farming. Waking up in pain is not fun, and while not the worst lot life can hand out, it's very frustrating to be back at a place I have so recently vacated. The fall last weekend really tweaked my right side, shoulder and hip, and .... well just Grrrrrrrrr. I took several walks last week trying to keep my hip limber, and spent time at the pool with A making sure to work my shoulder with the same goal in mind. Limping to the bathroom this morning I felt old and decrepit, NOT fun. Not me. Not acceptable. Hence the eating, I had forgotten what a distraction it is from pain to simply eat. Getting on the scale this morning I was glad to see that at least I hadn't gained anything, and pissed off I had wasted a week by not losing anything.
I did use my CBS products, which is probably why I maintained my weight despite the sausage muffin & decaf with cream and sugar I had EVERY morning on the way to work last week.(I won't bore you with the rest of the details of my gluttony) Lord give me strength. Well, give me Cleanse at any rate; today will be a clean day and maybe I'll even make it a clean weekend and go back to the initial cleansing schedule. I remember fondly those first ten days and how my appetite had checked out for parts unknown. What a relief - I could use that feeling again about now.
Other extenuating factors for my 'lost' week (I wonder how many lost weeks in a row this now makes... six?); M is gone again for an indeterminate length of time, H mentioned getting together this weekend and despite a gentle reminder from me has failed to mention it again (time to rethink this little scenario?), my taxes are still not done....and the pain, the pain! (lol, did you just get a visual of a little guy in a white suit pointing up from an island to a plane in the sky???)
I'm wishing again this morning that I hadn't turned down the hot tub a couple of weeks ago, what rotten timing that turned out to be. But it confirms my theory that you only need something once it's gone; we all take too much for granted day in and day out. Human nature and all that.
So where are my positives this morning. I didn't replant any of my 19 farms in Farmtown so there is nothing urgent there to draw me in this weekend; I have a massage scheduled for later this morning (super YAY); It is to be a warm weekend and we can get in a lot of swimming; My little dog loves me; I have a fridge full of veggies so no grocery shopping required this weekend; I have amazing reserves of strength, I just need to remember to tap into them.
I must say I have missed the act of writing this past week, and it feels good this morning to clatter away and clear my brain. Damn I wish the tub were hot....
I did use my CBS products, which is probably why I maintained my weight despite the sausage muffin & decaf with cream and sugar I had EVERY morning on the way to work last week.(I won't bore you with the rest of the details of my gluttony) Lord give me strength. Well, give me Cleanse at any rate; today will be a clean day and maybe I'll even make it a clean weekend and go back to the initial cleansing schedule. I remember fondly those first ten days and how my appetite had checked out for parts unknown. What a relief - I could use that feeling again about now.
Other extenuating factors for my 'lost' week (I wonder how many lost weeks in a row this now makes... six?); M is gone again for an indeterminate length of time, H mentioned getting together this weekend and despite a gentle reminder from me has failed to mention it again (time to rethink this little scenario?), my taxes are still not done....and the pain, the pain! (lol, did you just get a visual of a little guy in a white suit pointing up from an island to a plane in the sky???)
I'm wishing again this morning that I hadn't turned down the hot tub a couple of weeks ago, what rotten timing that turned out to be. But it confirms my theory that you only need something once it's gone; we all take too much for granted day in and day out. Human nature and all that.
So where are my positives this morning. I didn't replant any of my 19 farms in Farmtown so there is nothing urgent there to draw me in this weekend; I have a massage scheduled for later this morning (super YAY); It is to be a warm weekend and we can get in a lot of swimming; My little dog loves me; I have a fridge full of veggies so no grocery shopping required this weekend; I have amazing reserves of strength, I just need to remember to tap into them.
I must say I have missed the act of writing this past week, and it feels good this morning to clatter away and clear my brain. Damn I wish the tub were hot....
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