Day is Done

We all know this moment, it's a friend waiting for us at the end of each day. Stripping off the accumulation of dirt and coverings, slipping into a cool and cozy bed, and after the working and chores and being on ones feet, finally it's time and you are laying stretched out; the weight of the body gradually relaxing after the tumult of the day.

Bedtime, what bliss. I go.

The Luck of the Toss

Today was a struggle. Instigated I am sure by the grief of a coworker on the anniversary of her brother's death, my tears and aching throat were reluctant company on the drive to work this morning knowing I would have to not only face her but offer support and emphathy. I LOVE showing up with swollen eyes, but the privacy of my office and an early start gave me the space and peace I needed to pull it together, and she was okay too - well, mostly we were okay.

Lunchtime was a nice distraction. I'm running point for renting a beach house in Morro Bay for a cousin's wedding and it was fun hearing the excitement in my Mother's voice. From the deck we can walk out on the sand to the ocean, and we are all anticipating the trip with gladness galore. Of course, the last time we stayed down there it was for my Aunt's funeral, and like this trip it was on my daughter's birthday, and I find myself thinking about our family and how it has changed. Joey & Jerry both gone, H not by my side (another kettle of fish, that) and A a much loved and welcome addition.  So much love goes and comes in a lifetime, it's a little overwhelming sometimes. I suppose that is what living in the moment is all about; soak up the love while you can. Learn when it's time to let it go.

Big sigh, but no desire to wax poetic about missing H this evening.

One last note; A just beat me by over 100 points at Yahtzee.  "Grama, how come you aren't lucky enough to get a Yahtzee?" She had rolled two during the game, "You're killing me!" I complained. Then I had to explain what I meant so her feelings weren't hurt. I love these learning moments, when we can practice patience, fairness, good gamesmanship and the art of legible numbers. I'm so proud of her, "Good game, Grama!" she tosses out after learning our scores.

I am hoping her luck follows her, it's a handy friend to have at your side. I hate to think that I haven't been lucky; I know I am in the fortunate half of the world and ever so grateful for that and all of the wonderful things that have come my way. But still, a Yahtzee now and then would be nice in the game of life. And I am sad tonight and missing Joey.

Stress Writing - Let it go

About Work. What a serious waste of time and energy. Well, not really; we spend an awful lot of time at work. Well, most of us anyway. So conflict resolution is in my background. I know to first let it go, then if you can't address the 'challenge' with the person involved, and if there is still no resolution, finally go to the boss. But the boss is the owner, and I don't want to throw my compadre under the bus. I want my department and my little office to be a place of positive energy , I want us all to be productive and ready for growth. Is this asking too much? Am I too much of a goody two shoes, do I expect too much from others? Am I the one that needs to slow down and take my time and not give my full attention to work? But, I am being paid to do that, am I not? I want to be proud of how I earn my living, do I not?

So I let it go, and let it go, and let it go until I am afraid I am going to blurt out something inappropriate at the worst of times. Like when we have our department meeting on Wednesday with a visiting consultant. Finally today I quietly shut the office door and tried to have a constructive conversation. With a wall. I am sure they believe that saying 'Ok' and refusing to engage is their way of disputing my claim; even my calling them on shutting down and refusing to engage was wasted effort.  In their defense they may believe they are avoiding a fight, or embarrassed by the veracity of my claims and unwilling to admit it.

I had waited as long as I could, and I may well have waited for ever for all the good it did. But I am tired of the situation rattling around in my brain and taking up valuable real estate. When I am not at work, I want to be NOT AT WORK. So I left work an hour early, and now I will try again to let it go. I have better things to think about don't I?

I am calm, but curious if there will be any fall out tomorrow. I'm guessing they are a no show.

And no, I am not signing that song! Now that's in my head, great!

Green Juice and Grilled Cheese;; hey haven't I posted that before???

Well it's been what, three weeks now? I've had juice every day, even the one day I didn't make it myself because the kitchen was a wreck I bought a super green at Jamba Juice - OMG, $8.16 for 16oz.  And I thought it was expensive to make at home. Not so much!

After having a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch at home I went out running errands, one of which was returning a REALLY LARGE swim suit to Kohl's. At customer services she asked what was wrong with it, and I said, "I just couldn't make myself put it on". Walking carefully on my painful heel, I was hobbling like an old lady as I made my way out of the store. Not me, not me, not me. 

This is not who I am, this is not what my life is supposed to be like right now. Time to take a stand, and pick up where I left off fighting for myself.  I stopped for groceries then came home and made juice for dinner; fennel, power greens, celery, lemon, grapefruit, apple & kiwi. There was supposed to be mint but I forgot it - next time, but this was delicious anyway.

I have done most of the things suggested to start a juice fast; weaning myself back off of processed foods and animal protein (damn you sausage mcmuffin!). Now I need to jump in and make a go of it. Juice, salads, nuts; no eating out; moving everyday either on the bike or in the pool. Once a little weight is off my heel, it can begin to get better and once it has healed I can start walking again. I miss it for so many reasons.

Feeling positive this afternoon, or prevening as Sheldon might say, and looking forward to making some progress this week. Sunday nights are Wi nights again and I think that will be the only weighing going on. 

No matter how many times I 'start over' or 'reaffirm' how crazy I am, I will not give up until I find myself; I'm so tired of this stranger.

Green juice and swimming

Ten days or thereabouts of adding fresh green juice to my days and my energy is slowly increasing, as is my mood. Hot weather has also sent me to the pool, as scary as that is being in a suit, so my activity level is up too.

Had a really nice visit up to Lodi over the weekend where H made things festive, relaxing and delicious. I feel like I'm leading us both on in a way, as comments went slipping past my ego and over my lips effortlessly. No untruths, just not necessarily things that should be said out loud. Oh well, one day at a time.

Lentil soup and more green juice for dinner, watching The Pacifier with A, and giving Kaylee a good brushing and oiling will be entertainment sufficient unto the day.

God I love being in a good mood; please last, please last, please last.....

Green Juice & Grilled Cheese & Tacos

I love this idea of adding nutrition to each day and then just eating meals without too much snacking or eating fast food. Easy on the weekend, but I am in a great frame of mind to continue on in the same way tomorrow. Monday, a seventh of my life.

Green juice for breakfast: same blend as yesterday

Grilled Cheese for Brunch: Sprouted whole grain bread, jack cheese & butter

Snack: Apple, chopped salad with kale & pepitas

Dinner: Black Bean Tacos with guacamole, pico de gallo, and a smear of sour cream

Full but not stuffed, and feel like I got in adequate nutrition for the day.

Puttered doing small chores in the morning, took a cat nap in the sun, and another short nap curled up in my bed, and basically spent the day in my pajamas.  Feeling a little more energetic tonight, and plan on juicing again in the morning.

Keep the nutrients coming, movement will follow, and weight will leave. That's the plan. Again.

BTW: the tomatoes growing in the back yard are thriving; they have quadrupled or more in size.

Green Juice & Pizza

Which is better than no juice and Pizza. There will come a time when left over pizza isn't a temptation, but this is not that day.

Early to the grocery store this morning so I can juice over the weekend:

     Cucumbers      Kale
     Celery               Power Greens
     Carrots             Lemons
     Ginger              Green Apples

Rule of thumb: three veg for each fruit.

That was breakfast, and left over pizza was lunch. The plan is to finish the juice over the course of the rest of the day and if I feel the need to eat dinner there is lettuce and cauliflower to make a chopped salad. And left over Easter Eggs for some devilment on the side.

Apparently 'left overs', while thrifty, are not necessarily conducive to health. Eventually I can hope to have only healthy food left over and that will solve the dilemma.

Had the washing machine repaired this morning and now I am catching up on laundry. Time for ibuprofen and maybe a lay-about in the sunny back yard. And a bike ride later. Maybe.