Today I took a second Off Day. Not on purpose, nor planned, it just sort of happened. I was up last night unable to sleep after waking up around midnight, then woke up late this morning and forgot to pack lunch. I did pack my Burn, and fruit to take in the car for my breakfast, but totally forgot to mix up a shake before heading out. I was really not wanting to be at work where there is a small problem with one of the girls, and trying to find my mojo I indulged in a cup of Decaf when someone offered to deliver it. In retrospect I think even that limited amount of extra caffeine was a mistake given my history with the drug.
Then at lunch I needed to pick up some Frontline from Costco to treat all the critters for fleas this weekend, and while there someone stole my phone! Picked it up right out of the cart where I had set it down to search through a tall pile of brightly coloured cloth for some size 6 summer PJ's for A and waiting for R to call me back. What nerve! I headed straight to Verizon around the corner and they blocked it, but then found out the insurance I pay for is only for damage, not loss or theft. Argh! They gave me a loaner, signed me up for insurance, and said don't file a claim for 30 days. Those will end up being some expensive pajamas. Because I did go back to Costco afterwards and get the PJ's, plus the flea stuff, black peppercorns and a few other items. I figured a little retail therapy would help. But when checking out I ordered ... a slice of pizza? Huh? What the ... heck? (Oh, and I had forgotten to take my midday Burn before leaving the office.)
I wolfed down the pizza on my way back to work around 2pm; irritated, hungry, ready for the day to be over I relished the fat and spice of every bite. My Bad. And I wasn't done. I had a Pink Apple lady on the way home, and then we took A swimming at the pool. Homemade bean soup for dinner once we were back home around 8 along with the last two chugs of Zin straight out of the bottle. Who is this crazy person? Last but not least I snagged the last cup of M's cocoa pebbles and dumped in some milk, which I haven't had in more years than I can remember, and finished those off.
I think I am done. This is the closest I have been to a binge in a long time. I don't even feel like it was me this afternoon - those hours are a blurry haze of emotion and confusion and just plain disconnect that belonged to someone else. Crazy. And all day long, all I wanted to do was to call H and see how his day was going. He is up in Nevada City, at one of my favorite archery ranges, and I am not with him. Double Argh! Why on earth do I want so badly to hear his voice. Splitting up was the right thing to do. It was.
I think part of the days 'relapse' was seeing the ten pounds lost. For some reason (I don't need to spend a zillion dollars to find out why, I pretty much know) every time I start to really feel thinner I sabotage myself. As if I am scared to look great, because god knows I don't want to draw unwanted attention to myself. I thought I was over that, but it's the only thing I can think of that would warrant the reaction I had today. And if you have seen the list of what I ate on my real Off Day it's obvious this all started yesterday. I think the stresses at work & then the whole phone debacle just pushed me over an emotional edge I didn't realize I had been precariously balanced on for some time now.
The good news is that tomorrow is Saturday so I can take the time I need to get both reorganized and re-acquainted with myself. So back on plan first thing - two Burn days this weekend - and stay busy and burn calories. I have great incentive to get things done around the house; a co worker is bringing her mini pinscher over Sunday afternoon to see if she (the dog) gets along with Kaylee & the Puggles. If they all seem to do well together I will be dog sitting for a week while she (the co-worker) goes to Costa Rica. I want to finish getting up the foxtails from the back yard and get some flowers planted out front before they arrive. And it will be back up into the 90's tomorrow! So I need to get out there early to work before it heats up and then back out again in the evening once it begins cooling down.
So I will forgive myself the crazy day, eat well and take my CBS products all weekend, and stay busy on my feet as much as possible. That's the plan.
Maybe if I say it one more time it will cement it in my psyche - Eat plants, use the Burn & Shape, and move move move! Three's the Charm.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 18/30 continued
So maybe I went a little nuts on my Off Day:
Breakfast: Sausage Muffin, decaf coffee w\ cream & sugar (yea, it was Mickey D's)
Lunch: Cheese sandwich on a sourdough roll with lettuce & tomato (Rolls Deli)
Dinner: Buckwheat crepe with tomatoes, bacon & cheese, sr cream & green onion
Dessert: Olallieberry & Strawberry pie
Dinner and Dessert were from the Farmers Market. And my 1/8 share of the six inch pie was about 4 small bites. I never stuffed myself, took my Burn all 3x and drank my water. I had peppers to snack on at work, walked at the farmers market and came home with some stone fruit, lemon verbena soap, a bag of big juicy blackberries and another one of baby salad greens.
It was a beautiful evening, and A only fell once and came home with a very cute balloon mouse. And after purchasing the pie I turned a blind eye to all of the other bakery stands that peppered the square around Carnegie Park. Nor did I pick up a bag of freshly popped kettle corn (yes there really is a kettle) despite A's tears pleading to the contrary (I am so mean.)
As usual at the end of an Off Day I am ready to get back on plan and anxious to see more results. My body has once again been given the affirmation that I have no intention of starving it, so I'm thinking it will let go of another few pounds without much of a fight.
Tomorrow is Friday and I'm looking forward to a warm weekend; cool mornings of puttering in the yard and sizzling afternoons spent sorting through the rest of my room while the air keeps the house cool. I'm also looking forward to the berries, plums and peaches available now at the house for breakfasts!
Thirteen more days till my weigh in. I would love to lose five more pounds in that time, and I'm donning my mental boxing gloves and going in swinging come the morning.
Breakfast: Sausage Muffin, decaf coffee w\ cream & sugar (yea, it was Mickey D's)
Lunch: Cheese sandwich on a sourdough roll with lettuce & tomato (Rolls Deli)
Dinner: Buckwheat crepe with tomatoes, bacon & cheese, sr cream & green onion
Dessert: Olallieberry & Strawberry pie
Dinner and Dessert were from the Farmers Market. And my 1/8 share of the six inch pie was about 4 small bites. I never stuffed myself, took my Burn all 3x and drank my water. I had peppers to snack on at work, walked at the farmers market and came home with some stone fruit, lemon verbena soap, a bag of big juicy blackberries and another one of baby salad greens.
It was a beautiful evening, and A only fell once and came home with a very cute balloon mouse. And after purchasing the pie I turned a blind eye to all of the other bakery stands that peppered the square around Carnegie Park. Nor did I pick up a bag of freshly popped kettle corn (yes there really is a kettle) despite A's tears pleading to the contrary (I am so mean.)
As usual at the end of an Off Day I am ready to get back on plan and anxious to see more results. My body has once again been given the affirmation that I have no intention of starving it, so I'm thinking it will let go of another few pounds without much of a fight.
Tomorrow is Friday and I'm looking forward to a warm weekend; cool mornings of puttering in the yard and sizzling afternoons spent sorting through the rest of my room while the air keeps the house cool. I'm also looking forward to the berries, plums and peaches available now at the house for breakfasts!
Thirteen more days till my weigh in. I would love to lose five more pounds in that time, and I'm donning my mental boxing gloves and going in swinging come the morning.
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 18/30
OFF DAY!
TAKE IT EASY
DON'T GO NUTS!
There is something bothering me at home that I just can't write about, but the stress is building and the old hand to mouth response was a little overwhelming last night. After my early dinner I was ready to eat again around 7, not surprising since I had missed my 2nd and 3rd Burns yesterday. What a difference. First I had an avocado (thinking a healthy fat would keep me out of the freezer), then a banana with some sunflower seed butter on it(thinking if I were really full I could stay out of the freezer). And finally the coup de grace - a dark chocolate and mint ice cream that the kids had smuggled into the freezer. Maybe I would have been fine it R hadn't told me there was ice cream in the house, maybe not. But it happened.
So the comeback plan is to count last night as an early start to my day off, and I'll be back on plan for dinner tonight. And I will follow the above Every Day guidelines. I think Every Day means exactly that, everyday, and these are just healthy eating guidelines with the burn thrown in anyway. I think I made a mistake skipping these my last days off.
Even after my high calorie splurge last night I am down an even ten pounds this morning, down .8 from yesterday.This loss has been in the last 28 days, less than a month. I remember when I would have been happy to be down 2 pounds in a month! The best part is watching my stomach shrink. This has been a relatively new addition to my frame, gaining weight there, and I am glad glad glad to see it going going going! 28 days - just over a quarter of the 100 days are gone! If I lose 30 pounds during this plan I would be ecstatic! I hadn't thought that far ahead yet....but I am now. Wow...what if.
So I will take it easy today, and I won't go nuts. I'm sure there will be some toasted sourdough in there or maybe some pasta, and perhaps even some cheese. But they will be counted in servings, not binges, and my Burn is already packed in my lunch bag - no more forgetting! Today will be a good day, I can just feel it.
TAKE IT EASY
DON'T GO NUTS!
There is something bothering me at home that I just can't write about, but the stress is building and the old hand to mouth response was a little overwhelming last night. After my early dinner I was ready to eat again around 7, not surprising since I had missed my 2nd and 3rd Burns yesterday. What a difference. First I had an avocado (thinking a healthy fat would keep me out of the freezer), then a banana with some sunflower seed butter on it(thinking if I were really full I could stay out of the freezer). And finally the coup de grace - a dark chocolate and mint ice cream that the kids had smuggled into the freezer. Maybe I would have been fine it R hadn't told me there was ice cream in the house, maybe not. But it happened.
So the comeback plan is to count last night as an early start to my day off, and I'll be back on plan for dinner tonight. And I will follow the above Every Day guidelines. I think Every Day means exactly that, everyday, and these are just healthy eating guidelines with the burn thrown in anyway. I think I made a mistake skipping these my last days off.
Even after my high calorie splurge last night I am down an even ten pounds this morning, down .8 from yesterday.This loss has been in the last 28 days, less than a month. I remember when I would have been happy to be down 2 pounds in a month! The best part is watching my stomach shrink. This has been a relatively new addition to my frame, gaining weight there, and I am glad glad glad to see it going going going! 28 days - just over a quarter of the 100 days are gone! If I lose 30 pounds during this plan I would be ecstatic! I hadn't thought that far ahead yet....but I am now. Wow...what if.
So I will take it easy today, and I won't go nuts. I'm sure there will be some toasted sourdough in there or maybe some pasta, and perhaps even some cheese. But they will be counted in servings, not binges, and my Burn is already packed in my lunch bag - no more forgetting! Today will be a good day, I can just feel it.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape:17/30 continued
I panicked just a bit when realizing I had left my Burn at home today. Around 2:30 I had a half decaf half hot water for a small boost; I know it was just a little caffeine without the benefits of the Burn, but I was using it as an excuse to splurge.
Another drive home from work and another small battle won. This time as I was walking through the courtyard outside my office on the way to the car and began the litany of what I wasn't going to do I did an about face. I thought, this is the time to just decide I am getting home safe to make something healthy, before I ever get in the car. So I did.
Now I am sitting replete, filled up on a wonderful concoction of salad and beans.
Preface: I had made bean soup last weekend, and as usual saved part of the batch to blend up into refried beans. All that means is that after blending the beans I set them over a low heat to stir occasionally until enough moisture had evaporated and the remaining consistency was a thick, rich, concentrated deliciousness.
Dinner: First I made a dressing with some of the leftover juice from a can of black olives, and blended it with a splash of red wine vinegar and another of leftover oil from a jar of marinated artichoke hearts, a handful of roasted pepitas, and a few big spoonfuls of silken tofu. It was missing something so I added in a few shakes of Mrs. Dash - chipotle lime or something - and took it for another spin. Yum! Now I'm thinking Taco Salad and added chopped tomatoes and red onion to the salad, and added about half a cup of my aforementioned bean mixture to blend with the dressing and heat in the microwave. Poured over my salad it was a hot mess, but very good and filling. I have now discovered a healthy bean dip and will keep this recipe to make another day when roasted corn tortillas can be on the menu.
Take that all you crappy drive through temptations!
There is something to be said for having ingredients on hand to work when you want to eat and it needs to be now and you won't settle for a drive through option. We deserve better, we deserve nutrition, be it fast or slow in coming.
Now to the yard to get in some more steps - I had two walks today, one short one 30 minutes - but I still want to keep busy and I still want a pretty back yard.
Another drive home from work and another small battle won. This time as I was walking through the courtyard outside my office on the way to the car and began the litany of what I wasn't going to do I did an about face. I thought, this is the time to just decide I am getting home safe to make something healthy, before I ever get in the car. So I did.
Now I am sitting replete, filled up on a wonderful concoction of salad and beans.
Preface: I had made bean soup last weekend, and as usual saved part of the batch to blend up into refried beans. All that means is that after blending the beans I set them over a low heat to stir occasionally until enough moisture had evaporated and the remaining consistency was a thick, rich, concentrated deliciousness.
Dinner: First I made a dressing with some of the leftover juice from a can of black olives, and blended it with a splash of red wine vinegar and another of leftover oil from a jar of marinated artichoke hearts, a handful of roasted pepitas, and a few big spoonfuls of silken tofu. It was missing something so I added in a few shakes of Mrs. Dash - chipotle lime or something - and took it for another spin. Yum! Now I'm thinking Taco Salad and added chopped tomatoes and red onion to the salad, and added about half a cup of my aforementioned bean mixture to blend with the dressing and heat in the microwave. Poured over my salad it was a hot mess, but very good and filling. I have now discovered a healthy bean dip and will keep this recipe to make another day when roasted corn tortillas can be on the menu.
Take that all you crappy drive through temptations!
There is something to be said for having ingredients on hand to work when you want to eat and it needs to be now and you won't settle for a drive through option. We deserve better, we deserve nutrition, be it fast or slow in coming.
Now to the yard to get in some more steps - I had two walks today, one short one 30 minutes - but I still want to keep busy and I still want a pretty back yard.
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 17/30
Another day another pound gone; it feels great in a peaceful sort of way. As though I am coming home to where I should be and leaving fragments of unwanted baggage on they wayside. Mentally and physically. Each small battle I win imbues me with a little bit more strength and determination.
That being said I am once again making lists of possible meals for my next day off this coming Thursday. I thought briefly about getting back on the original schedule, but that would put my Off day on Saturday, and I still feel it would be more prudent to stick with a work day. I am not sure my gains in mental strength are ready for a whole day off plan and work at the same time! And my list contains the usual suspects - refined carbs & dairy! Grilled cheese, tacos, Mac & Cheese, enchiladas; all of these have crossed my mind. R is doing Paleo and I suggested she take the same day off as me so we can make something yummy to share. I'm hoping whatever we decide we can also make it nutritious. Cauliflower in the Mac & Cheese, beans in the tacos, spinach in the enchiladas, roasted veggies in the grilled cheese - you get the idea. Now that I think of it I'm pretty sure lunch that day will be with my co-worker at the local Diner; roasted veggies on toasted sourdough with feta - best sandwich ever!
Maybe just having some 'ancient grain' bread & butter with my bean soup for dinner would be the best splurge. Guess I'll just have to wait for Thursday and see what sounds best to us both. I know I should have something non-food related to look forward to, but it is what it is right now. Which makes me realize I need to change that; It is what I want it to be! I need to plan for something to celebrate in a non-food related way. Maybe carting my bike over to the road by the winery for a beautiful ride, or drive myself over for a hike up on Mt. Diablo - things I have wanted to do for a while but never follow through because...I'm lazy? Don't want to do them alone? Both bad excuses, and I need to kick them to the curb.
Maybe it's time to do some volunteer work - it would be good to get back to Open Heart and put some hours in - I wonder if they have started the food drive for the Holiday's yet. Hmmm. Food for thought. For a change.
That being said I am once again making lists of possible meals for my next day off this coming Thursday. I thought briefly about getting back on the original schedule, but that would put my Off day on Saturday, and I still feel it would be more prudent to stick with a work day. I am not sure my gains in mental strength are ready for a whole day off plan and work at the same time! And my list contains the usual suspects - refined carbs & dairy! Grilled cheese, tacos, Mac & Cheese, enchiladas; all of these have crossed my mind. R is doing Paleo and I suggested she take the same day off as me so we can make something yummy to share. I'm hoping whatever we decide we can also make it nutritious. Cauliflower in the Mac & Cheese, beans in the tacos, spinach in the enchiladas, roasted veggies in the grilled cheese - you get the idea. Now that I think of it I'm pretty sure lunch that day will be with my co-worker at the local Diner; roasted veggies on toasted sourdough with feta - best sandwich ever!
Maybe just having some 'ancient grain' bread & butter with my bean soup for dinner would be the best splurge. Guess I'll just have to wait for Thursday and see what sounds best to us both. I know I should have something non-food related to look forward to, but it is what it is right now. Which makes me realize I need to change that; It is what I want it to be! I need to plan for something to celebrate in a non-food related way. Maybe carting my bike over to the road by the winery for a beautiful ride, or drive myself over for a hike up on Mt. Diablo - things I have wanted to do for a while but never follow through because...I'm lazy? Don't want to do them alone? Both bad excuses, and I need to kick them to the curb.
Maybe it's time to do some volunteer work - it would be good to get back to Open Heart and put some hours in - I wonder if they have started the food drive for the Holiday's yet. Hmmm. Food for thought. For a change.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 16/30
It's a Clean Day
Both previous Clean days were travel days, so this will be my first time taking my midday serving at work. I'm really enjoying the minimal cooking I'm having to do on the program.
The work week is beginning well, with loose jeans, another new low number on the scale, and an easy lunch to pack. But gotta run, commute traffic calls! Thank heavens for audio books or that would be unbearable.
Later
Sometimes for an addict it's not one day at a time, or even an hour, it's a moment to moment deal and I found my self-talk going something like this on the way home from work today. 'Remember how great it feels to wake up in the morning knowing you have nothing to be ashamed of from the day before. Remember the feeling of anticipation just before you get on the scale and see a lower number. Remember, remember remember all you have to do is get past the next exit and continue on home where you can make a filling chocolate shake for dinner.'
I stopped for groceries on the way to work this morning for berries, small sweet peppers and pink lady apples. And two large carrots. The berries were for breakfast, the carrots and peppers were lunch, and one apple for the ride home. I was full, I wasn't hungry, and all I could think of was what I could stop and get before arriving home. I had to tell myself that no amount of stress could justify junk food, that this was my time, and my program, and I was going to follow it. And I arrived home safely, and the urge to eat is gone.
It's my own fault. While driving all over the Bay Area as a project manager for a year and a half I would defray the stress by eating in the car, and my brain now goes there of it's own accord sometimes. I wish I could snap that mental\emotional link more easily, but at least I know I can power through and have my way. MY way, not the way of that persistent little devil who tries to woo me from my shoulder. I envision my thumb smashing him down to insignificance, and me standing victorious.
I am too old for this shit. Eating & weight should not be such a challenge by this point. What a way to spend a life. Time to change my clothes and feed the dogs and head outside for some sun therapy! Which reminds me, I walked at lunch and have two cute pinecones to add to the basket. Come the holidays I will drizzle cinnamon oil over them all and bring them inside. There, a good note to end my ranting!
Later
Sometimes for an addict it's not one day at a time, or even an hour, it's a moment to moment deal and I found my self-talk going something like this on the way home from work today. 'Remember how great it feels to wake up in the morning knowing you have nothing to be ashamed of from the day before. Remember the feeling of anticipation just before you get on the scale and see a lower number. Remember, remember remember all you have to do is get past the next exit and continue on home where you can make a filling chocolate shake for dinner.'
I stopped for groceries on the way to work this morning for berries, small sweet peppers and pink lady apples. And two large carrots. The berries were for breakfast, the carrots and peppers were lunch, and one apple for the ride home. I was full, I wasn't hungry, and all I could think of was what I could stop and get before arriving home. I had to tell myself that no amount of stress could justify junk food, that this was my time, and my program, and I was going to follow it. And I arrived home safely, and the urge to eat is gone.
It's my own fault. While driving all over the Bay Area as a project manager for a year and a half I would defray the stress by eating in the car, and my brain now goes there of it's own accord sometimes. I wish I could snap that mental\emotional link more easily, but at least I know I can power through and have my way. MY way, not the way of that persistent little devil who tries to woo me from my shoulder. I envision my thumb smashing him down to insignificance, and me standing victorious.
I am too old for this shit. Eating & weight should not be such a challenge by this point. What a way to spend a life. Time to change my clothes and feed the dogs and head outside for some sun therapy! Which reminds me, I walked at lunch and have two cute pinecones to add to the basket. Come the holidays I will drizzle cinnamon oil over them all and bring them inside. There, a good note to end my ranting!
Monday, May 27, 2013
Orenda CleanBurnShape: 15/30
Here are my unofficial measurements at day 25 of the 100 day CleanBurnShape program. My chart is more extensive than the official Orenda one, but I love noting all the changes!
Down 8#'s and over 10 inches. While I know other's are losing more quickly, I have always lost inches before pounds, probably because of my high muscle mass. But I am very excited about thinner arms & legs since Summer, Capri's & tank tops are upon us.
Not that you would know it by today where there is a forecast of rain and highs in the 70's. But the cooler weather is a blessing; I love spring and hate it when we go straight from winter to summer without the mild spring in between that is so conducive to working outside. Speaking of which, after working around the roses yesterday I came in for dinner. Which happened to be a shake since my SIL was sleeping when I went in to make the shake for lunch. So I opted for a salad at lunch instead of powering up the blender and just switched out my lunch and dinner for the day. Anyway, I was sitting on the chaise in the back yard and about half way through my shake (watermelon, spinach, Shape) when realized that I would rather be mowing the lawn. (Yes I remembered my 3rd Burn yesterday!) So A supervised while I picked up dog messes and then mowed down the foxtails that are overtaking the grass. We are going to let most of the lawn go, put in some sand paths and drought resistant perennials and some raised bed garden planters instead. But that project is definitely on the list AFTER the garage. Then a little later after I had cooled down and the family was having their dinner I finished up the shake which I had deposited in the fridge while mowing.
So I kept busy yesterday as intended (that particular path was not leading to hell) and today will be more of the same. Although if the rain appears as forecasted I may be working on my room instead of in the yard. Still, being on my feet and active and not being a couch potato is feeling pretty good. I can hardly wait to get my taxes done so I can convert my desk back to a standing station so I am not sitting down to blog.
I am going to be focusing the next two weeks on something I read on Friday while reading up on green coffee bean extract. Several articles mentioned taking it half an hour before a meal with a large glass of water. And that seemed to work really well for me yesterday. So I'm going to make taking my Burn that way a priority as I head into the rest of this first 30 days.
And right now I need to grab a sweater and go out front and gloat over our new beautiful brick patio. It's going to be fun socializing with the neighbors this summer on our new common ground. (Have I mentioned that one of them is also my massage therapist?)
Down 8#'s and over 10 inches. While I know other's are losing more quickly, I have always lost inches before pounds, probably because of my high muscle mass. But I am very excited about thinner arms & legs since Summer, Capri's & tank tops are upon us.
Not that you would know it by today where there is a forecast of rain and highs in the 70's. But the cooler weather is a blessing; I love spring and hate it when we go straight from winter to summer without the mild spring in between that is so conducive to working outside. Speaking of which, after working around the roses yesterday I came in for dinner. Which happened to be a shake since my SIL was sleeping when I went in to make the shake for lunch. So I opted for a salad at lunch instead of powering up the blender and just switched out my lunch and dinner for the day. Anyway, I was sitting on the chaise in the back yard and about half way through my shake (watermelon, spinach, Shape) when realized that I would rather be mowing the lawn. (Yes I remembered my 3rd Burn yesterday!) So A supervised while I picked up dog messes and then mowed down the foxtails that are overtaking the grass. We are going to let most of the lawn go, put in some sand paths and drought resistant perennials and some raised bed garden planters instead. But that project is definitely on the list AFTER the garage. Then a little later after I had cooled down and the family was having their dinner I finished up the shake which I had deposited in the fridge while mowing.
So I kept busy yesterday as intended (that particular path was not leading to hell) and today will be more of the same. Although if the rain appears as forecasted I may be working on my room instead of in the yard. Still, being on my feet and active and not being a couch potato is feeling pretty good. I can hardly wait to get my taxes done so I can convert my desk back to a standing station so I am not sitting down to blog.
I am going to be focusing the next two weeks on something I read on Friday while reading up on green coffee bean extract. Several articles mentioned taking it half an hour before a meal with a large glass of water. And that seemed to work really well for me yesterday. So I'm going to make taking my Burn that way a priority as I head into the rest of this first 30 days.
And right now I need to grab a sweater and go out front and gloat over our new beautiful brick patio. It's going to be fun socializing with the neighbors this summer on our new common ground. (Have I mentioned that one of them is also my massage therapist?)
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