Half way through December

November disappeared in a swamp of disinterest (that being said, Thanksgiving was nice)  and December is scrambling by as I try try try to hold up my end of the holiday season. Dance recital, check. Christmas shopping, check. Decorating, check.

My wished for lentil soup is warming in the microwave as I type, some of the leavings of the mornings juice dancing about between and admongst the little green lentils; the fiber of the beets, carrots and greens blended into submission along with the caramelized onions and all of the left over cauliflower making a thick and wholesome stoup. A quick taste test confirms the resulting dish will be rich and satisfying once a bit of salt and a lot of fresh ground pepper has been added.

The wished for storm is a catastrophe of dead leaves and mud as the wind  and rain wreak havoc in the branches of the winter trees before landing on dirt instead of grass, in much part due to the continuing drought. Not that one can think much of the drought today as the water pours down and down and down making my trek to the green waste bin most uninviting and the idea of snuggling in front of a fire most desirable. Maybe later, collecting dry wood is also not high on my agenda for the day. Having already juiced, made soup, and folded the laundry from yesterday I am feeling more like a nap than another task.

I should mention that I am eight weeks out from hand surgery and, well, recovering. A trip to PT Friday was most enlightening as I have been doing my stretching and massaging entirely wrong. I anticipate a quicker recovery now that I have what I hope to be the correct data for such.

Work  goes on, same challenges, more growth. I really don't want to talk about it. I am grateful to have a job, to be able to earn my keep, and I am looking forward to a new roof being installed sometime rather sooner than later; like maybe after this current storm blows through.

Enough. It feels good to type, but empty in a weird sort of way, as though I should be typing something lasting rather than ephemeral.

Time to stir the soup.

ps  The doctor says a year before I should push my hand against a bow. I wish this could be a goal - lose weight, get strong, start hiking, and at the end pick up my bow to shoot. I wish.

Clean; before or after

I've had it both ways. The jobs you have to go home and take a shower when you're done, and the ones where you clean up before you hit the office door. A couple of years ago I had two part time jobs, one of each, and while it was a difficult time for me, my body liked the diversity. In much the same way my muscles are responding to all the work I've done around the house lately. Even my massage therapist noticed my back wasn't as tight, not that a lot of my latest massage wasn't painful - there are still enough knots for her to work on when I'm out flat on the table.

I'm going to try and keep up this level of activity. It's frustrating being in pain, but if I'm in pain either way, I think I should try to stay active. Because yesterday in the garage I saw that H had been by, and left my old bow for me. Which means I have two, and we can set one up for R if she wants to shoot with me. And as I stood there handling my old friend, the longing to shoot swept through me, and following close on that rush of feeling came the renewed determination that I would shoot again, hike with my bow again, compete again. This will happen, and I need to be in shape to realize this goal. So I will stay busy and use these wonderful muscles I was born with and work towards that end.

And speaking of muscles and strength, I still have the 100 pushups chart on my bedroom door. I wonder, sitting here in the comfort of a chair typing away, what effect it might have on my back to begin that regimen. I think I should try, I'm pretty sure A would get a kick out of it and it's something we could do together. I have been putting her off so much of late, too busy with 'stuff' to spend much quality time with her. I'll have to mull this over today before deciding, because once I mention it to her it will be a done deal. Ah to have the memory of a four year old!

It's also nice showering at night again, and having time to blather away at the keyboard before getting ready for work.

Writing makes me thin....

I love it. I added a heart to the begining of my blog title, and now when I log on to write I see, "Writing helps me thin...", which my brain immediately translated and I read as "Writing makes me thin...".  Already positive thinking is making a difference, what a great little message from the universe to cheer me on this morning! And no, I don't want to be thin, it's not going to happen nor would I want it to. I'm a tomboy, with  lots of muscles, and a woman with an hourglass figure no matter how big or small I get. My goal is to move well with lots of comfort and energy - ok, and wearing cute jeans and feeling sexy would be a great plus too -. Anyone who has run to catch an airplane or struggled to sit with their legs crossed or tie their shoes knows exactly what I mean about moving well.  Beyond that I want to be a better archer, which means having a strong back, legs, arms, core .... lol, archery is definitely an 'all over' sport! And the mind is probably the most important 'muscle' involved, so practicing positive thinking can only help me there too. 

But this morning I am thinking about hiking, and about the archery shoot in Redding coming up in June. It's a fierce set of trails, climbing up for generous views of the beautifully forested hills that surround the range. This is a picture I took back in 2000, and each year I look forward to getting to the top of the range and gazing out over this special part of my world...this year I would like to do it without gasping for breath and leaning on my legs to keep them from buckling under me!

Just a quick recap, last year was my first time back to this shoot after a 4 year hiatus. I'm down another 10#'s this year, as I have been the last 3 years in a row, and as always my expectations are a little unrealistic. Even those in great shape are breathing hard when they get to the top of this trail, so another 10#'s gone when I still have 40 left to lose isn't going to make much difference. But this year I have the gym to help get in shape. I'm already treadmill walking on an incline, and today I am going to add strength training for my legs. My vision is of me arriving at the top of this trail a little winded, but standing tall and not panting and looking like someone should call the paramedics! I'm thinking this is a totally realistic goal, and it comes with a cool visual too which will help me keep me focused.

A quick note on goals - I've never good at setting big goals, and I've always felt a little guilty about that. Yes, I have a vision board, and I've written a letter to the universe asking for what I want. But now that I am getting older and wiser (?) I've realized that for me it's more about the small day to day consistencies, and how those will bring me closer to the bigger goals. You know the concept of an economic trickle down effect? (Ha!) Well, it's like that in reverse for me. Focusing on the small important parts of taking care of myself each day causes bigger and better things to happen outside of myself - small positive consistant changes trickling up from my core to make a positive difference in everything else that I want to achieve. So my really big little goal is to treat my body like the temple that it is.

Oops, gotta run, the sun is peeking out and my bow is calling my name! I'm really meandering all over the place today anyway, and my delicioso green smoothie (ingredients on PEERtrainer) is gone, so I'm outta here! lol, lucky you.

National Senior Games :: A Gold Medal and More

I am so grateful for this sport of archery that I love, but that comes later in the story.

Standing in the Stanford Stadium early Saturday morning, looking out at the row of pristine targets, I was filled with gladness and high expectations. Archers were everywhere unpacking equipment, setting up chairs, lining up their spotting scopes; everyone seemingly imbued with the same festival atmosphere that I was feeling. There were low clouds and a bit of dampness in the air, but that was so much better than the small buffeting gusts of wind that had plagued us in practice on Friday that I welcomed the coolness of the morning snug in the comfort of my sweater. It wasn't to last long, the sun piercing through hot and bright just as we finished up our two practice ends at 60 yards, just in time to change my perspective and make the first official end really challenging in the changed light. I am sorry to say I didn't live up to that challenge, shooting five 9's and taking a blow to my confidence all in under four minutes. Speaking of which, we lost our '30 second flag girl' after the first couple of ends because as a group we weren't even coming close to the five minutes allotted for shooting each end; fine at the time but this would come back to bite me in the persistent winds at 40 yards later in the day. (One gentleman pointed out that there was this huge million dollar electric board in front of us that they could have used, but I'm guessing that's more than the tournament could afford.)

There were only three women in my 50 - 54 group, but they mixed us up alphabetically with the compound men; I started on target 1 and Harry was just next door at target 2 with my main competition. While I didn't have a stellar performance, I stayed focused on making good shots and trying to stay calm; for anyone who knows me you will understand how happy I was just to not shoot the wrong target at any point during the weekend! The wind picked up with each passing hour and the ends at 50 yards passed quickly. I shot my first 60 of the day and started to relax a little bit as we headed into the last round at 40 yards. I started and ended that round with 57's which pissed me off but oh well. Shooting at tournaments is so different than standing out on our practice range and being surrounded by beautiful trees and hearing jays and hawks crying out. But I tried very hard to bring my best to each shot, reminding myself over and over that I just need to make one good shot at a time. Isn't that what we all tell each other, what we all strive for in this game?

We all think we can shoot better than we do and I think that is a good thing, so it was okay that I came away from the first day a little disappointed with my scores but pleased to be up by 18 points heading into day two.

Sunday began much the same way as Saturday, except Mr. Sun made his appearance earlier so our eyes were accustomed to the light when the official ends began. Despite the better light my score at the end of 60 yards was worse than the day before and I was just a little irritated. There were only the three of us in our age group on our target that day, shooting against just our competition, and I felt the pressure. I knew I could come away with Gold if I could just stay consistent and not make any fool errors, but there is always that little voice that pesters me with doubt. Then at 40 yards the wind was pestering us all something awful. I would let down and wait for the gust to pass, pull back and aim, and get pushed by the wind yet again. Think about this for a moment, the flags at the targets could be streaming towards you, the flags mid-field pointing East, and still you could feel the wind at your back as you look up to the top of the stadium where the flags were whipping out to the West. Of course this is an extreme example, but the point is that there was no rhyme or reason to the gusts, they just sailed in over the edge of the stadium and came swooping down to play havoc before disappearing just as suddenly. So patience was the game, let down and wait knowing you would have a better shot in just a minute. It felt like we were pulling back twice for each arrow shot and those five minutes we had were getting eaten up pretty fast doing this; remember we had no 30 second timer so it became a little stressful. And then something wonderful happened. I looked around, and just felt the gratitude pouring up from my heart that I was here, that I was healthy and could shoot, that it was a beautiful day, and I realized that the wind was just a part of it all. I reached deep and used that energy to carry me through the rest of the round, really connecting with the target and able to 'feel' the magic that can come with aiming when you are really focused and truly just living in the moment.

This would be a good place to mention that Harry shot really well, breaking the record in his age group and coming away with Gold too. He had to really buckle down and finish with two perfect ends to do it, and I'm really proud of him. Final Scores: Harry - 1762, Me - 1710

Was it my best score? No. Was I happy with my shooting? Yes. Did my eyes tear up when they started playing the Olympic music? Of course. And when my competition leaned over from her place on the podium at Silver to whisper, "Lets raise our hands and wave like they do at the Olympics" I was all for it, smiling from ear to ear and feeling like a kid despite being just a silly 'young' woman at the Geezer Games as I raised my arms up and waved to the cheering crowd up in the stands.

Cal Cup Archery Tournament

I am so happy with this beautiful little bowl! This is the 2nd place trophy I brought home from a weekend of shooting up in Sacramento. Two years ago my honey brought home his own 2nd place bowl, and last year he won his gold match for the 1st place bowl on the left in the next picture. These are hand made by an archer, and it feels so good to add my own bowl to our little collection. I love the wood, the colours, the shape, the pattern of it all - they are just wonderful. But I have to say that as much as I loved placing 2nd, it was the group of women I was shooting with that made my weekend so fun. Some good competition is always good for one's own performance, and their cheery attitude was a joy to be around.

There are only 3 weeks left until the National Senior games that we are training for, to be held in Palo Alto the first weekend in August. I have been shooting almost every day preparing for this event, and I know from the online listings of registrants that I will have some competition there. Only 3 of us so far, but that is better than winning by default because you are the only one in your age bracket! It's so ridiculous that I am even qualified to shoot in a 'senior' event, but the reality is that I am in my 50's. I still feel young in so many ways, and I know that if I would take the time to add some yoga to my exercise regime my stiff hips would loosen up - that is about the only time I feel my age, when I have been sitting for too long curled up and stand too quickly. I imagine that as I lose more weight that will help get rid of this particular problem too. But I digress. My archery has gone a long way to restoring my sanity this past year. I started shooting this past October, when I had to shoot if I was going to qualify for the upcoming games. But some small spark of my old competative nature took hold that day, and each passing month I have become more and more serious about my shooting. Letting my honey help me with my form, trying to listen and adjust to become a better shooter. All with the goal of shooting one good arrow at a time.

And I can't help but see the analagy of how this sums up how I want to live my life; one good moment at a time, leading to one good day at a time, and within those moments and days building back this life into a new healthier shape. I've never before felt like this was something I had any control over, this forming of a life, nor did I ever want control I think. It took me years to accept that I didn't have to have the same type of motivation and ambition that my siblings had, to learn that maybe it's better to just let leaves lay where they fell and live a life that was 'meant' to be. But I think I am doing a little poking around with a rake now, and making little decisions to tweak my path. I love the part of 'Eat Pray Love' where Liz (author Elizabeth Gilbert) is explaining to her friend that when she prays she asks for the strength and fortitude to accept whatever is coming her way. Her friend says something like, whatever gave you that crazy idea? You are a part of this world, a constituant, and you have the right to petition the universe for what you want! I just loved this, because like Liz, I just ever asked for the strength to 'accept what I cannot change and courage to accept the rest.' I think I picked that up from years of Alanon meeting living with alcoholics and addicts, but do I really believe in that particular prayer now? I don't think so. I think we DO have the right to ask for change, to have a say in our universe. So the tone and focus of my prayers have changed, I just need to say them more often ;)

How did I get from archery to prayer? I sometimes have to laugh at the way I meander all over the place, but I know we all do that. And between those two things was the mantra I used a dozen times over the course of the weekend to refocus and steady my breathing, "Hum Sa"(I am that (God)), giving me a place of calm to quiet my thoughts, and focus on the center of the target that was 70 meters away. To bring in oxygen to fee the muscles I needed to make one good shot after another. Not of course that they were all good. At the end of the first day I was down by 30 points to my main competition. But I beat my personal best score by 19 points I think, and at the end of the day I was only down 21 points from the State record. Definitely something to shoot for ;)

So that's where I've been, busy shooting and walking my little dog and even doing push ups to build my upper body strength for pulling arrows out of the target - sometimes a really hard thing to do! I see myself just doing more and more of the same as these final weeks play out, and while I should be focusing on earning a living, instead I am focusing on being happy and working on shooting better. After Nationals will be soon enough to worry about paying the mortgage :)