BLE: Day One - ad infinitum

I have a half an hour to kill before dinner. So silly. But that's where I am in my life, still trying to make a positive change in myself. My salad is made, weighed and ready to add  my dressing, just sitting in the fridge staying crisp until feeding time. I swear I feel like a bear,  walking the fence until  a gamekeeper brings in my dinner at the designated time. Heavy, ponderous steps, head swinging side to side, anxiety driving my steps. Ridiculous. But I am the one who brought me to this brink of crazy, and I am the only one who can tame the bear. Change or die, as they say.

It's another Day One. Part of me knows that getting up each morning and eating a bright breakfast is great; not giving up and starting each day with optimism is not a bad trait. But it is not one that has brought me success in achieving a right sized body. It's just a small part of the work it will take to move past this plateau I have been cruising about on for the last year or so.  As part of this work I am using my gratitude journal each morning, and committing my food each evening, taking my supplements and meds every single day and night, and making a point of stopping to breathe and be present at some point each day to ground myself.

So it feels like moving forward, my morning and evening habit stacks gaining in consistency, and I am once again spending more time on support than on farming. Yes, along with millions of others I am fighting addiction on many platforms. It is apparently in our nature to escape this new reality we find ourselves in. I like to imagine I would have flourished in days where it took so much physical effort to  just survive I would never have become addicted to anything, and I guess that is true of many others. Instead we find ourselves in a world of so much convenience there is too much time for those of us born without the gene to self-motivate.

Now that I have thrown a small pity part in the middle of a beautiful Autumn day I will retreat without shame - that never accomplishes anything - to my audio book and try to drag my lazy ass outside for a short walk before dinner.

Tomorrow's food (10oz veg lunch and dinner)

•  b: spanish rice chaffle, banana, green grapes
•  l:  veggie soup, beans & cream cheese, apple
• d: chopped salad, garbanzo beans & pepitas, bleu cheese dressing

There are a week's worth of breakfast choices packaged up in the fridge, and my plans are for simple plant based lunches and dinners, soups and salads, for the next couple of days. Tuesday while Cal is at school I'll do some batch cooking; green chili stew and roasted veggies come to mind. Maybe some meatballs that are loaded with zucchini and onion.

I am armed with my Bright Line Eating plan, journals, and good intentions. I laugh now when I want to type that this time feels different, so I won't bother wasting time on that sentiment. Instead I am focused on just this moment, and not eating until 4. And after that I will focus on cleaning up my room (what, am I 12?) so it's an easy place to work and relax in the coming week. And then after that I will do whatever it takes to stay Bright all night long until breakfast at 8am tomorrow.

Then it will be Day Two. 'Time to Rock and Roll.'