BLE: A little broken

I am not good with angst and anger. Earlier this evening dark streaks of anguish threaded their way through the house, and I sat here helpless. Unable to intervene, unable to do anything but breathe and try to slow my heart. I creep out of my room and offer to watch the kids if they need to go talk, but the response is less than hopeful. I end up in the driveway for a small bit to play with Cal who finally wants to go outside after shunning my invitations to do so all day long. He must not feel well in the mornings, and then late in the day, prevening really, when he wants to go out everyone is tired. It's a challenge, as is the recent defiance and rebellion against being a good listener. He is four, after all. Patience. Patience is a virtue.

I've been  mostly Bright. I had a bit of a meltdown Monday night. I realize now I should have talked about how I was feeling on my 'not really' anniversary. There are so many unresolved emotions, and I threw a little pity party for myself in the form of left over mac n cheese. It wasn't good. But I am an addict.

Tuesday was a struggle with portions, and Wednesday I fought past every exit on the way to the office and back - never getting off to drive through for a fix; shades of  years past, why do they still haunt me. Well, I know why, it's because I made an exception Monday and I am paying for it now. But last night was Bright as was today, so I am, as always, back on track. 

I don't want to weigh in Friday - OMG that's tomorrow - but I will.

Today's Food

• b)  rice, refried beans, salsa, tapatio, mango
• l)   last of the left over pork roast and veggies,  apple
• d)  last of the left over spaghetti soup and meatballs, parmesan

I've been trying to limit my cheese/meat servings to one a day, so today was not so good. On the lighter side,  I got some containers out of the fridge, didn't waste the food, and there is room for me to do some batch cooking tomorrow or this weekend. We have skipped a few weeks of Imperfect Produce to catch up on all the veggies we have in the fridges. I see a leek and corn soup in our near future, and I need to prep another batch of refried beans to use up the carton of spinach that is lurking in the back of the fridge.

It's been a windy day, and the evening has turned cool. I just want some hot tea, my pajamas, and maybe a movie.