126/79 - The blood pressure meds have my numbers down; amazing that it's something that works so instantaneously.
Yesterday: Water, check.
Breakfast: green smoothie
Lunch: left over veggie soup
Dinner: sourdough bread with veganaise and sliced tomatoes, strawberry coconut milk
Dessert: small glass of red wine
Frozen strawberries blended up with coconut milk is a wonderful summer treat, almost a strawberry shake it's so thick and yummy. Alanna was here to share the batch and that always makes a meal more fun. I'm feeling a tiny bit guilty about the salt I sprinkled over my tomato slices - my hands swollen this morning and my arm tingly - but I love tomato sandwiches and don't indulge in them very often anymore. I remember when I could go through a half loaf of bread in a day making and eating one sandwich after another for each meal of the day I love them so much. Ahhh, youth.
And look at where my eating habits have landed me. It's more than that, it's the lack of balance in my life. On one side of the teeter totter is too much food, work and tv - on the other a distinct lack of exercise in the last 8 years since I injured my back. "Do nothing" in order to heal that repetitive back injury should not have kept me from walking, I have no excuse other than laziness and depression. For those couple of years that I walked regularly and took the time to eat well I shaved off enough weight to feel comfortable in my jeans for the first time in years. It felt so good. And then going back to work and the depression at my situation hitting home really threw me for a loop; fast food started creeping back into my life as well as bad choices, and here I am. I would get home exhausted and eat in front of the tv before falling asleep - what a well lived life!
And I'm doing the same thing now - working too many hours, coming home exhausted and in pain, and eating badly in front of the tv before passing out. Breakfast and lunch I can handle, it's the evenings that get me. So I'm thinking I should start making a green smoothie for dinner too.
Just took a break to make sure I still have an active PayPal account (I do) and to find some juicers to bid on (I did). So hopefully Sunday at noon I will get the one I want and can proceed with the plan to start doing juice fasts soon.
Steps yesterday: Fitbit battery ran out, so no steps logged - but it was a typical work day, nothing extra. In fact, until I get the all clear from the Dr. I don't know why I even bother to put it on!
Friday, July 13, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Myocardial Perfusion (17/30)
Imagining something is wrong, and then having your Dr. suspect something is wrong are two completely different feelings. When you do it, there is a back voice saying, 'you silly goose, you're fine'. But when the Dr. starts ordering tests and telling you what to do and not do that little voice replaces it's reassurances with something akin to panic. Or maybe this is just what 'caring' feels like; no wonder I tried giving it up - I do not like how I feel, nor did I like being up at 4am. Oh well, it is what it is. At least H is on the road and I don't have to creep around being quiet.
Back to the business at hand. Yesterday: Water, check
Breakfast: green smoothie
Lunch: left over veggie soup with dark red kidney beans
Snack: apple
Dinner: nuked potatoes with captains sauce & peaches
I worked through lunch and left work after 8 hours. Going home to rest before picking up A I had a call from the Nuclear Medicine lab at Kaiser - my Dr. had requested an appointment be made for me to have my heart scanned after reviewing my ekg from yesterday. Then she sent me an email saying to start taking aspirin everyday. After calling in and finding out the scope of the test I began to worry a little. On a positive note, I used H's wrist cuff to measure blood pressure and mine was in the normal range for a change - so the Doc picked the rights meds, that's good.
After picking up A we went by Open Heart to pick up bread to feed the ducks, and they sent me home with two big containers of strawberries - perfect for summer smoothies. We came home to pick up Kaylee, then headed down to feed the ducks - what fun, even with the 100° weather urging us on to hurry up and finish. We tore through a bag of bread surrounded by mostly brown feathered friends then high tailed it back to the car and air conditioning. Home to peaches, apples and Bubble Guppies I collapsed on the chair in front of the fan and didn't move for half an hour - just beat. This, I remind myself, is why I waited for insurance, is why I wanted to be checked out, is why I want to be fixed. This should not have been so exhausting.
This is why I will eat better today, all day, than I have in a very long time. Because if they say I need a stent, then I will balk, because I know this is reversible with nutrition and exercise. And I know that studies show that stents do not reduce the chance of heart attacks. So why not skip the surgery and go straight for the life long cure. I know all about Eat to Live, and while I do try to eat for nutrition, the stress in my left has me reaching for the bad stuff way too often. Time to take control of my life for maybe the first time ever.
Guess where I found the Fitbit yesterday? On the fricken charger of course. Sigh.
1765 steps taken
Back to the business at hand. Yesterday: Water, check
Breakfast: green smoothie
Lunch: left over veggie soup with dark red kidney beans
Snack: apple
Dinner: nuked potatoes with captains sauce & peaches
I worked through lunch and left work after 8 hours. Going home to rest before picking up A I had a call from the Nuclear Medicine lab at Kaiser - my Dr. had requested an appointment be made for me to have my heart scanned after reviewing my ekg from yesterday. Then she sent me an email saying to start taking aspirin everyday. After calling in and finding out the scope of the test I began to worry a little. On a positive note, I used H's wrist cuff to measure blood pressure and mine was in the normal range for a change - so the Doc picked the rights meds, that's good.
After picking up A we went by Open Heart to pick up bread to feed the ducks, and they sent me home with two big containers of strawberries - perfect for summer smoothies. We came home to pick up Kaylee, then headed down to feed the ducks - what fun, even with the 100° weather urging us on to hurry up and finish. We tore through a bag of bread surrounded by mostly brown feathered friends then high tailed it back to the car and air conditioning. Home to peaches, apples and Bubble Guppies I collapsed on the chair in front of the fan and didn't move for half an hour - just beat. This, I remind myself, is why I waited for insurance, is why I wanted to be checked out, is why I want to be fixed. This should not have been so exhausting.
This is why I will eat better today, all day, than I have in a very long time. Because if they say I need a stent, then I will balk, because I know this is reversible with nutrition and exercise. And I know that studies show that stents do not reduce the chance of heart attacks. So why not skip the surgery and go straight for the life long cure. I know all about Eat to Live, and while I do try to eat for nutrition, the stress in my left has me reaching for the bad stuff way too often. Time to take control of my life for maybe the first time ever.
Guess where I found the Fitbit yesterday? On the fricken charger of course. Sigh.
1765 steps taken
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Beta Blockers (16/30)
Yesterday: Water, check
Breakfast: green smoothie
Lunch: apple
Dinner: left over corn chips, goat cheese & pepper jam with a glass of wine
Doctor Appt.: Blood pressure high, and finally agreed to meds. Oh well, it is what it is. She had me go down to have a chest xray and an ekg, and Sunday I go for an MRI. Then the follow up visit to see if there is anything they can fix to relieve me of this pain I've been living with for the last three months. She wants my triglycerides down, and I agreed to go in and do blood work in a month. So once again I have 30 days to make a difference. Surprisingly she thought that I could, and I do too. My days are fine, I just need to clean up the evenings. My goal is to put the word out to see if anyone has a juicer I can borrow. Then start doing 'juice fasts' from join the reboot dot com for dinners. I've just printed out a few pages of recipes and for some reason this morning the idea of drinking my meals is very exciting. I am tired to death of eating and the compulsive way that I do it at night.
Still can't find the Fitbit - I imagine walking around Kaiser yesterday replaced any steps that I didn't take at lunch so probably the average 2-3 thousand for the day.
Off to post for a juice loaner!
Breakfast: green smoothie
Lunch: apple
Dinner: left over corn chips, goat cheese & pepper jam with a glass of wine
Doctor Appt.: Blood pressure high, and finally agreed to meds. Oh well, it is what it is. She had me go down to have a chest xray and an ekg, and Sunday I go for an MRI. Then the follow up visit to see if there is anything they can fix to relieve me of this pain I've been living with for the last three months. She wants my triglycerides down, and I agreed to go in and do blood work in a month. So once again I have 30 days to make a difference. Surprisingly she thought that I could, and I do too. My days are fine, I just need to clean up the evenings. My goal is to put the word out to see if anyone has a juicer I can borrow. Then start doing 'juice fasts' from join the reboot dot com for dinners. I've just printed out a few pages of recipes and for some reason this morning the idea of drinking my meals is very exciting. I am tired to death of eating and the compulsive way that I do it at night.
Still can't find the Fitbit - I imagine walking around Kaiser yesterday replaced any steps that I didn't take at lunch so probably the average 2-3 thousand for the day.
Off to post for a juice loaner!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Another disappointment (15/30)
The intent behind my 30 days of water was for it to be a stepping stone to get back on track. To eat better and to move more are the next two steps, and then I knew I would be at a place where I felt I was taking care of myself. That being done I could then do a juice fast knowing I wouldn't rebound afterwards, that I would have good habits to sustain me once I had accomplished the fast and not ruin all my efforts on that front with a dive into a bowl of Mac N Cheese. But I am not staying true to the intent of my 30 days. Instead it has become a leash that I pull against daily, and I am the dog chained to my good intentions; snarling and fighting to fight free like the beast that I am. Yes, I am drinking all the water I planned each day, but there ends the quality. At least it feels that way after this past week.
When will I learn that when it comes to food what I imagine is rarely what I get. I was so looking forward to the fried fish last night, and I kept imagining the way it had been from Louise's years ago. Instead of square flaky lengths of cod there were flat fillets, and the batter was flatter too, not the wonderful mix of crisp and fluffy that I remembered. And while every indulgence lately has ended with me feeling like crap, I seem to forget that as soon as the next temptation starts wreaking havoc with my neurons upstairs - or whatever drives my obsessive thoughts of food. And all the grease, ugh. Last night about an hour after dinner I started feeling like I had been run over by a truck, and this morning I am heavy and feeling just as flat emotionally as my fish were last night.
I need to get a grip. I need to embrace my plan as the wholesome guide I intended it to be. I need a lot of things apparently, so why can't I want them with my whole heart and follow through?
Yesterday: Water, check
Breakfast: left over potato dipped in Captain's Sauce
Lunch: left over veggie soup with dark red kidney beans thrown in
Snack: big luscious apple
Dinner: fried fish, onion rings, shrimp & potatoes - and of course Captain's Sauce
My brain is begging for something green this morning, hmmmm - I wonder why! Maybe my Dr. visit this afternoon will help motivate me, which sounds like a cop out, I am the master of my universe, no?
Steps: once again my Fitbit is MIA. I thought I was leaving it in the same place each night but didn't see it yesterday morning and couldn't find it last night. But I didn't walk at lunch, I worked through and came home early. OMG - lol, every little 'bit' helps! I need to find that sucker.
When will I learn that when it comes to food what I imagine is rarely what I get. I was so looking forward to the fried fish last night, and I kept imagining the way it had been from Louise's years ago. Instead of square flaky lengths of cod there were flat fillets, and the batter was flatter too, not the wonderful mix of crisp and fluffy that I remembered. And while every indulgence lately has ended with me feeling like crap, I seem to forget that as soon as the next temptation starts wreaking havoc with my neurons upstairs - or whatever drives my obsessive thoughts of food. And all the grease, ugh. Last night about an hour after dinner I started feeling like I had been run over by a truck, and this morning I am heavy and feeling just as flat emotionally as my fish were last night.
I need to get a grip. I need to embrace my plan as the wholesome guide I intended it to be. I need a lot of things apparently, so why can't I want them with my whole heart and follow through?
Yesterday: Water, check
Breakfast: left over potato dipped in Captain's Sauce
Lunch: left over veggie soup with dark red kidney beans thrown in
Snack: big luscious apple
Dinner: fried fish, onion rings, shrimp & potatoes - and of course Captain's Sauce
My brain is begging for something green this morning, hmmmm - I wonder why! Maybe my Dr. visit this afternoon will help motivate me, which sounds like a cop out, I am the master of my universe, no?
Steps: once again my Fitbit is MIA. I thought I was leaving it in the same place each night but didn't see it yesterday morning and couldn't find it last night. But I didn't walk at lunch, I worked through and came home early. OMG - lol, every little 'bit' helps! I need to find that sucker.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Another Monday (14/30)
Yesterday: Day of Rest
Breakfast: orange/mango/carrot juice from the store
Lunch: chopped salad
Snack: crackers with goat cheese and pepper jam
Dinner: green hash ( potato, corn, beans, peppers sauteed with huge amounts of baby power greens)
Dessert: flour tortilla with honey drizzled on it
I made Captain's Sauce yesterday, it's a tartar sauce with sweet red peppers and jalapenos added to it. I used Veganaise to make it; so expensive to use, but then I thought of all those factory chickens stacked up pumping out eggs and just don't want to buy into the industry. Anyway, I could have made the veganaise, but really wanted this recipe to come out right - the flavour was such a strong memory and I wanted to recreate it without mishap. I put some of it on my hash for dinner and it was ever so good. Today we will pick up fish to have with it, so I am already planning a splurge for dinner tonight. Food has become our table of truce -not that we ever sit at an actual table- and my chair is becoming VERY uncomfortable.
The problem right now is that I am using food to stifle my voice; there are things that I need to say and I just can't propel the words out through my clenched lips. Maybe I should write a letter, at this point that would be more kind than my continued silence. I may 'not care' about much in the big picture, but about this I apparently do or I wouldn't be making myself sick with stress. And as is usual my stress is painted all over my face, I look like a teenager this morning with a huge zit on my chin, and scabbed over cancer sores on my lip. I am literally making myself sick. I have known for a while that the combination of sun and peanuts are a serious invitation to cancer sores, yet last week I kept grabbing handfuls of peanuts for a late night snack and laid out in the sun for short periods 'to get in some D' a couple of times last week. Added to the existing foundation of stress and mixed up with a little caffeine and the recipe was complete - not just one but four of the little bastards erupted on my lower lip. I think the water is helping to clear them out quickly, along with my Immune and Serum, but it's still hard to wear this face to work today. Unfortunately I do not have a spare 'me' mask in the closet, and go I must with my wreckage on display for all to see.
Tomorrow I go to a Dr.'s appointment, and I am thinking I might be in a better place mentally to stay on track after that. I really need a good standing up and brushing off; what a lovely mental image, standing in the middle of a deserted old west town, whacking myself with a large brimmed hat and plumes of dust retreating in great billowing clouds from my sorrow ridden clothes.
I'd better go stretch and cook and leave this maudlin place I am drawing myself into. No steps counted yesterday; I'll go clip on the Fitbit on my way to the kitchen.
Breakfast: orange/mango/carrot juice from the store
Lunch: chopped salad
Snack: crackers with goat cheese and pepper jam
Dinner: green hash ( potato, corn, beans, peppers sauteed with huge amounts of baby power greens)
Dessert: flour tortilla with honey drizzled on it
I made Captain's Sauce yesterday, it's a tartar sauce with sweet red peppers and jalapenos added to it. I used Veganaise to make it; so expensive to use, but then I thought of all those factory chickens stacked up pumping out eggs and just don't want to buy into the industry. Anyway, I could have made the veganaise, but really wanted this recipe to come out right - the flavour was such a strong memory and I wanted to recreate it without mishap. I put some of it on my hash for dinner and it was ever so good. Today we will pick up fish to have with it, so I am already planning a splurge for dinner tonight. Food has become our table of truce -not that we ever sit at an actual table- and my chair is becoming VERY uncomfortable.
The problem right now is that I am using food to stifle my voice; there are things that I need to say and I just can't propel the words out through my clenched lips. Maybe I should write a letter, at this point that would be more kind than my continued silence. I may 'not care' about much in the big picture, but about this I apparently do or I wouldn't be making myself sick with stress. And as is usual my stress is painted all over my face, I look like a teenager this morning with a huge zit on my chin, and scabbed over cancer sores on my lip. I am literally making myself sick. I have known for a while that the combination of sun and peanuts are a serious invitation to cancer sores, yet last week I kept grabbing handfuls of peanuts for a late night snack and laid out in the sun for short periods 'to get in some D' a couple of times last week. Added to the existing foundation of stress and mixed up with a little caffeine and the recipe was complete - not just one but four of the little bastards erupted on my lower lip. I think the water is helping to clear them out quickly, along with my Immune and Serum, but it's still hard to wear this face to work today. Unfortunately I do not have a spare 'me' mask in the closet, and go I must with my wreckage on display for all to see.
Tomorrow I go to a Dr.'s appointment, and I am thinking I might be in a better place mentally to stay on track after that. I really need a good standing up and brushing off; what a lovely mental image, standing in the middle of a deserted old west town, whacking myself with a large brimmed hat and plumes of dust retreating in great billowing clouds from my sorrow ridden clothes.
I'd better go stretch and cook and leave this maudlin place I am drawing myself into. No steps counted yesterday; I'll go clip on the Fitbit on my way to the kitchen.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
teeter totter (13/30)
Yesterday: water probably, food and exercise not so much. If I had a graph of these 30 days I think it would be slow agonizing spiral downwards in terms of consistency. Which would be great if it were a weight loss graph instead of one charting a goal of upward rising accomplishments. Grabbing my steps off of the Fitbit site i see that I got in more than I thought. While I didn't reach my goal of 5000 steps I did have more than a usual working day. I did work about 7 1/2 hours and accomplished quite a bit; I will lay that at the door of my cup of decaff that was most assuredly NOT. Being the only one there on a Saturday it was quiet, no interruptions to break my concentration, and the time flew like it only can when under the influence of something.
Breakfast: sausage muffin and decaff coffee that wasn't decaff (I'm thinking)
Lunch: left over veggie wrap
Dinner: Kung Pao tofu, veggie chow mein, spring rolls, szechuan broccoli
Dessert: crackers and chili pepper jam
I'm so glad that it's Sunday, that I'm not going in to the office, and that I have some time to regroup and get ready for the next six days. That being said I am already planning a divergence, just a little side trip off my path. I am in possession of a recipe I have been wanting to make for a long time, a spicy tartar sauce, and at some point today I will make it, and go grab some fish from Louisa's to have with it. Maybe. Depends on if the sauce needs to set up and have time for the flavours (red bell pepper and jalapeno) to meld.
I think officially today's goal is to not over extend my planning and be overwhelmed into immobility.
Convert a recipe from 3 gallons to a pint, shop for same and prepare
Clean out fridge, fill with plants purchased at shopping trip, cook a pot of something for lunches
And Rest
Time to get busy :)
3053 steps taken
Breakfast: sausage muffin and decaff coffee that wasn't decaff (I'm thinking)
Lunch: left over veggie wrap
Dinner: Kung Pao tofu, veggie chow mein, spring rolls, szechuan broccoli
Dessert: crackers and chili pepper jam
I'm so glad that it's Sunday, that I'm not going in to the office, and that I have some time to regroup and get ready for the next six days. That being said I am already planning a divergence, just a little side trip off my path. I am in possession of a recipe I have been wanting to make for a long time, a spicy tartar sauce, and at some point today I will make it, and go grab some fish from Louisa's to have with it. Maybe. Depends on if the sauce needs to set up and have time for the flavours (red bell pepper and jalapeno) to meld.
I think officially today's goal is to not over extend my planning and be overwhelmed into immobility.
Convert a recipe from 3 gallons to a pint, shop for same and prepare
Clean out fridge, fill with plants purchased at shopping trip, cook a pot of something for lunches
And Rest
Time to get busy :)
3053 steps taken
Saturday, July 7, 2012
"It's starting to feel a little better" (12/30)
The birds are up and about and singing in the new day. I don't always hear them in the morning, and I just love it.
Yesterday: Water check, veggies check, walking check. Lunch was amazing. We walked down to Max's Diner and I had the roasted veggie wrap. It was good, full of spinach, mushrooms, red peppers and a little bit of feta thrown in. But it was the arugula salad that came with it that was amazing. It was full of corn and potatoes, onions and...I don't remember, but tossed in a raspberry vinaigrette and so delicious. I brought half the wrap back to the office and it will be my lunch today.
Yes, working another six day week, but we are almost to the end of the 'big push' and I just need to do it right now. No one is making me, except my own sweet self. Lou Holtz plays in there somewhere, "Do right, do your best, treat others like you want to be treated." Something like that, but a golden rule that explains how I have tried to live my life. I think I have written about this before, and how I should refine it to read, "and treat myself how I treat others." Or maybe, "treat myself how I expect others to treat themselves."
Bottom line: I feel much better about myself this morning than I did yesterday, I woke up with more energy, and my attitude has been shifted up a notch. Besides eating better, I am back on my O'Tropin spray morning and night and that may play a part too. I would just really appreciate my mood stepping out of the elevator up here on the 8th floor and resting for a bit before riding the rails up and down again. Mixed metaphor? Oh well, it says it.
Breakfast: green smoothie
Lunch: veggie wrap & salad
Snack: Oatmeal cookie from Starbucks with nuts and fruit (vendor gift)
Dinner: Veggie patty on bakery roll (last one thank god) with lots of onion & lettuce
Dessert: Nada
Gulped my water down this morning and my hands are swollen, so now we know why lunch was so awesome yesterday. I'll get in some extra water today to flush that out. Off to the races!
5150 steps taken
Yesterday: Water check, veggies check, walking check. Lunch was amazing. We walked down to Max's Diner and I had the roasted veggie wrap. It was good, full of spinach, mushrooms, red peppers and a little bit of feta thrown in. But it was the arugula salad that came with it that was amazing. It was full of corn and potatoes, onions and...I don't remember, but tossed in a raspberry vinaigrette and so delicious. I brought half the wrap back to the office and it will be my lunch today.
Yes, working another six day week, but we are almost to the end of the 'big push' and I just need to do it right now. No one is making me, except my own sweet self. Lou Holtz plays in there somewhere, "Do right, do your best, treat others like you want to be treated." Something like that, but a golden rule that explains how I have tried to live my life. I think I have written about this before, and how I should refine it to read, "and treat myself how I treat others." Or maybe, "treat myself how I expect others to treat themselves."
Bottom line: I feel much better about myself this morning than I did yesterday, I woke up with more energy, and my attitude has been shifted up a notch. Besides eating better, I am back on my O'Tropin spray morning and night and that may play a part too. I would just really appreciate my mood stepping out of the elevator up here on the 8th floor and resting for a bit before riding the rails up and down again. Mixed metaphor? Oh well, it says it.
Breakfast: green smoothie
Lunch: veggie wrap & salad
Snack: Oatmeal cookie from Starbucks with nuts and fruit (vendor gift)
Dinner: Veggie patty on bakery roll (last one thank god) with lots of onion & lettuce
Dessert: Nada
Gulped my water down this morning and my hands are swollen, so now we know why lunch was so awesome yesterday. I'll get in some extra water today to flush that out. Off to the races!
5150 steps taken
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)